thrive

farewell

2012-01-19T20:20:00.004-06:00

Well, friends, this is the end... in a way. After a lot of internal debate, I'm saying goodbye to this blog. It's been a good run here. I started this blog when we lived thousands of miles away from all of our family. It was a way to keep them updated on what was going on in our lives. Then we moved to Texas and it was a good way to keep up with the family of friends we'd left in Oregon. Over time it's been a mish-mesh of scrapbooking, journaling and a place to write when I felt so compelled. It's been wonderful and I've loved every minute of it.

But it's time for something new. I'm totally copying my sister-in-law, Jessica, and starting a whole new blog. One that is a little more private with a few less personal details, particularly about the kids. Facebook has already been meeting my need to keep up with friends and family and share funny little stories and pictures of the kids. So the new blog will be a place for me to stretch my writing legs, so to speak. It'll be a place for me to share my thoughts about the world and to write about things that inspire me. I'm sure the kids and Kyle will still make appearances there, just not as obviously or frequently.

I won't be deleting this blog altogether, there are so many things documented here, so many sweet comments from friends and family, that I don't want to lose. However, I will be making it a completely private blog- only for mine and Kyle's viewing- on Thursday, January 26. You are welcome to follow my new blog if you like:

food and fire for the mind

If there's anyone still out there reading and to all those who've read and commented over the years, thank you. Thank you for finding something worthwhile here, thank you for your encouragement and your comments. Thank you.

thirty

2011-06-14T16:11:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I will be thirty years old. I don't feel old. I'm not having any kind of identity crisis or depression. Or any of the things that are so often associated with the reaching of this milestone in life.

I do feel very nostalgic and reflective. The last decade of my life has been so very, very life altering. It all began on my 20th birthday, when I stood next to a flashlight fire at Pine Springs, looking down at my best friend and the love of my life perching on one knee asking me to marry him. It was, by far, the easiest decision I have ever made when I said, "YES!" And that easy, easy decision was the best and most right decision I've made to date. It did, however, lead to some of the hardest decisions I've ever made in my life. Good decisions. Right decisions. A few wrong ones. None that I regret. Because they've all lead me to where I am right now. A wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend with thirty years of adventure, heartache, laughter, tears, anger, happiness, learning, achieving, failing, persevering and thriving behind me. I wouldn't take back a single second of it.

During this last decade of my life I feel that I have, I hope that I have, grown up a lot. I know that I still have a lot of growing to do. What I mean is that I feel like I have come into myself more. Established my own beliefs. My own convictions. My own opinions. Not on any one issue in particular- on so very many issues. I feel more confident in my own ability to think, discern, decide. I've been learning, am learning still, how to admit when I'm wrong and own my mistakes. I've spent time coming to the realization that I don't know everything and that the world is SO MUCH BIGGER than my small eyes can see or my small mind can comprehend. And that's been so humbling and so healthy for me. My children have taught me that I have a larger capacity for patience and forgiveness and love than I ever knew possible.... and that it can never be large enough. My husband has helped me to learn that I can laugh even when I'm roiling with anger, that I'm stronger than I've ever given myself credit for, that I don't have to win every argument, that life can be more than just living- it can, and should be, a tremendous adventure.

Instead of feeling old, I'm struck by how young I am. When my mom turned thirty she'd been married for 6 years, I was 2 months old and she had 16 years left to live. Yet, here I sit, married for 9.5 years, listening to my seven-year-old daughter and four-year-old son play and argue (though mostly they're playing :). My Grandma Massie lived to be 85 years old and though her body was old and frail her spirit was never anything but young and feisty. It's a strange juxtaposition that makes me realize how short life is... and how much of it there still is to live. I never want to take a single minute for granted. I never want to stop learning and growing.

I look forward to this next decade. More vacations & adventures. More ordinary, average days. More anniversaries and birthdays. More unknowns. More learning. More decisions. More failures. More laughter. More arguments. More happiness. More loss. More growth. More life. May I never fail to appreciate each and every moment.

love

2011-05-08T09:12:00.002-05:00

Happy Mother's Day!

empathy

2011-05-03T15:22:00.003-05:00

I have been very troubled these last few days. On Sunday evening, Kyle and I listened to the announcement that Osama bin Laden, the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks and other atrocities, had been killed. I watched as people gathered outside the White House and at Ground Zero and began to celebrate. My heart and mind became conflicted.

Since Sunday night I’ve watched with increasing shame and heartache as people use this event to tear the opposite political party apart, to tear each other apart. Facebook statuses and tweets taking credit for one side and denying it to the other abound. Insults and slurs are hurled at Presidents Obama, Bush and Clinton… all men who have served and are serving their country at great cost to their own privacy and safety and that of their families. All men who have carried and do carry more responsibility and weight on their shoulders than anyone reading this could possibly imagine.

2977 people were killed on September 11, 2001. Hundreds of thousands of people have been killed in the resulting wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and those numbers will continue to increase. And now Osama bin Laden is dead as well. There is no doubt that his followers, his friends and family will make attempts at retaliation. The cycle will continue.

Americans attack each other because we disagree about politics and government. We dehumanize politicians and public figures and call them names and insult their intelligence, their patriotism, their faith, and their morality. Good people, loving people throw hateful words around because of what really comes down to fear caused by a difference of opinion and a lack of understanding of the other side. The cycle just continues.

One word, one idea has been hovering in my consciousness these last few days. Empathy. Empathy is defined as the ability to share and understand the feelings of another. Having empathy for others is to try and place ourselves in their shoes and to attempt to see where they are coming from, what makes them tick. I’m reminded of what Atticus Finch says in my favorite book, Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird:

“First of all,” he said, “if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view—“

“Sir?”

“—until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

How different would it be if we all walked around in each other’s skin for a while? How different would our families, our neighborhoods, our churches and schools look? How different would Facebook and Twitter look? How different would the face in the mirror look?

What would happen if we re-humanized presidents, congressmen and congresswomen, senators and judges? Or if we re-humanized diehard liberals and hardcore conservatives? I’m almost afraid to say it, but what if re-humanized terrorists and insurgents and criminals? Why don’t we try walking around in these people’s skin for just a little while? Not so that what they do or believe is more acceptable or agreeable or even forgivable but so that perhaps we might understand them a little bit better. Maybe then we’d have a world with a little less fear, a little less hatred- perhaps even a little less violence.

Please understand, I am in no way trying to say that we need to accept the hurtful or criminal actions of others. I am not saying that people should be spared the consequences of their actions. Nor am I saying that we should all just agree with each other all the time. If anything, I’m preaching to myself here. I’ve found myself filled with one conflicting emotion after another over the last several days because I’ve been unable to understand why people behave the way they do and say the things they say. I’ve been as judgmental and angry as the people I have been accusing of being overly judgmental and angry. And all of it, my thoughts and actions and the things I’m seeing on television and the internet, has made me feel ill.

The concept of loving ones enemies is a hard one. Shoot, it’s not always easy to love friends and family when we don’t see eye to eye. Perhaps if we were slower to react and quicker to empathize we’d find it a lot easier.

I read a new book recently. Devotion by Dani Shapiro. I won’t attempt to review or summarize it here. I will say that it was beautiful and I’ve taken a lot from it. There’s a series of phrases she uses in her meditations, first with herself in mind and then with those she loves, that really stuck with me and I find beautiful:

May you feel protected and safe.

May you feel contented and pleased.

May your physical body support you with strength.

May your life unfold smoothly with ease.

This is my prayer, my hope for myself, my family, my friends. May I make it my prayer and hope for those whom I might call my enemies.

growing

2011-03-20T22:48:00.008-05:00

It's been a while. Life is good, busy but good. I've still been working on my struggles with laziness and my self-image. I used to be a pretty regular journaler and since the births of my children my habit of journaling had fallen by the wayside. I recently picked up my journal- that Kyle bought me over 5 years ago and is not even halfway finished- and started writing again. It's been so awesome and therapeutic for me. However, since I've been doing so much of my thinking with actual pen and paper, the blog has fallen by the wayside. I do have several things bouncing around in my brain that I want to share here. And when I get those thoughts sorted out into less of a rambling mess I will post them here.

Right now though I want to talk about my kiddos. Lately I've been so struck by their growth, physical and otherwise. Darby and Sutton are the light of my life and I've just been feeling the need to soak them up and hold on to every tiny detail more than usual.

darby gail

Oh, this girl. Darby amazes Kyle and I every. single. day. She is becoming such a kid and that baby I gave birth to is getting harder and harder to see. Darby has gotten long and lanky and currently has 4 missing teeth (I really, really need to get a picture to show... it makes her look so old and so little all at once). She has beautiful, long, shiny brunette hair that we are probably about to cut for a second donation to Locks of Love. Her big eyes are so much like her daddy's in that they seem to change color depending on her clothing. However, they really are a pretty greyish blue, with a brown patch on her left eye. She has adorable freckles and makes the funniest faces.

Darby is doing so well in school and makes us so proud. She started reading last year in kindergarten but has blown us away this year. She reads EVERYTHING. Billboards. Magazines. My text messages over my shoulder- we had to have a talk about that one. :) Kyle and I can no longer spell things out in order to keep the kids in the dark- Darby can figure it out before we're even done spelling. She was accepted to the accelerated math program this year. It hasn't been as easy for her as she'd like but I'm glad for that because I want her to continue to feel challenged. She's made a lot of friends and loves her teacher. We're sad that our neighborhood has been rezoned to a different school for next year- we've loved her current school- but aren't worried a bit about Darby because she's extremely sociable, not at all shy and makes friends very easily.

Darby loves animals and nature and has translated that love into arts & crafts. She can make just about any animal or plant out of cardboard, paper and tape. We've had a hard time keeping paper and scotch tape in stock at our house. Darby will spend all day crafting, drawing and creating. I find this particularly amazing as I don't have one crafty/creative cell in my body. There isn't a room in our house that doesn't have one of Darby's creations hanging on the wall or door. My favorite is the large (and I mean LARGE) soldier she made for Sutton's room. It hangs by his bed and he loves it.

Darby is also quite the climber and is very athletic. She climbs everything. She shimmies up the door frames out of habit. Her current "hideout" is the shelf in the top of her closet. (She doesn't get on the shelf, just climbs the walls and hangs out up there with all her toys on the shelf.) She's spent a good portion of her spring break up in the crepe myrtle trees in our backyard. At the gym where she and Sutton are in gymnastics, Darby's the only one in her class that can climb the 20 ft. rock wall all the way to the top. She's finally mastered cartwheels and loves to jump on the trampolines. We're about to take the training wheels off her bike and I've no doubt that it will take less than a day for her to be zipping up and down the street like a pro.

Darby challenges me everyday. She's got a crazy memory, a sharp eye for detail and is a pretty stringent rule follower. This can make it hard for her to be flexible, go with the flow, let things go. And it can make her bossy. We've run into a bit of attitude lately- mostly directed at me- and this makes me terrified of her teenage years. :) She's also pretty emotional and very dramatic. She feels everything very strongly and reacts very quickly. We've been working a lot lately on controlling reactions. I'm trying to find a balance with her that allows her to feel her feelings and express her emotions in such a way that she feels heard and important without the huge meltdowns and uncontrollable tears. In just the past few days even, I've noticed her really making the effort not to lose control and to determine if something is a big enough deal to really throw a fit about. It makes me so proud of her. And again highlights how very grown up she is becoming.

We recently had an incident that so perfectly fit our sweet girl's disposition and highlighted the ways in which her personality can be so challenging and endearing at the same time. Darby and Sutton had created a road out of some of Kyle's weights. Sutton had placed 2 of his t-rexes next to the road that Darby's unicorn was "flying" up and down. I was working on some chores in the back of the house when I heard Darby crying and chastising her brother. I went out to the living room to find her a puddle of frustrated tears. She was mad that Sutton's dinosaurs were too close to the road and he wouldn't move them. I asked her why this was a problem.

"Mom, if Max and 3-Claws (the names of the dinos) are too close to the road, their drool may get on Unicella (the unicorn). And if their drool gets on her it will take her magic away and she won't be able to fly."

You must understand that as she was saying this Darby had fat tears running down her cheeks. She was really and truly very, very upset about it. It was so hard not to laugh. And also left me in a bit of a quandary on what to do. In the end I convinced her that she could just as easily pretend that dinosaur drool made unicorns fly faster as she could that it took away all their magic... but she's stubborn and it took some time.

My sweet girl, I hope she never loses her spunk or her energy.... but maybe we could lose a bit of the stubborn. :)

sutton edward

My little man. Oh how this boy makes us laugh and keeps us on our toes! Sutton has grown by leaps and bounds lately. He's starting to lose his chubby baby cheeks and tummy. He resembles my mom's family (the Massies) so very much that there are times I wonder if he looks at all like Kyle or me. His big blue eyes just sparkle all the time and he laughs so very easily. He's my cuddle-bug and loves to sit on my lap and give hugs to anyone he sees. Lately he's wanting to do everything Kyle does and will often lift his tiny little toy weights when Kyle is exercising, trying to replicate every movement Kyle makes. It is the funniest/cutest thing.

Sutton LOVES music. He remembers the lyrics to songs after only having heard them once or twice and can recognize a song on the radio having only heard 5 or 6 notes of the melody. He's great at remembering bands and musicians names and even loves commercial jingles and will sing along with them. He's also getting pretty good at quoting his favorite movies and tv shows. He hums and sings pretty much all the time.

If there is a dinosaur or car to play with then that is what Sutton will be doing. He loves dinosaurs especially. He names all of his toys. All. Of. Them. Sometimes the names make perfect sense. For instance, 3-Claws the T-Rex. He has 3 claws. Or OrangeRed the Pterandon. He's orange and red. Carso is a car. Sometimes they are just normal names. Max the T-Rex, Peter the Stegosaurus, Sam the dog. And then there are the completely random ones. Uncle Crab the Stegosaurus (this one makes me laugh the hardest, where did he get that?!), Shushy the Brachiosaurus, Monsty the racecar. They all have names and he expects us to remember them all... this can be difficult. :)

Lately Sutton's been hanging out with his imaginary friend, Jack. Oh the stories we hear about Jack! Jack is seven years old (older than Darby and therefore anything he says trumps anything Darby says, ha!), was born in high school (I have no idea?), has spiky hair and is tall. And, sometimes, Jack is dead. I'm not really sure what that's about. Just occasionally, Sutton will say something like, "Jack did that before he died." But other times Jack's alive. I don't know. Sutton's been asking about my mom and Kyle's dad a lot lately and I think he's just trying to figure out what death is. Also, if we tell Sutton that something is impossible, like swinging as high as the moon on the swings at the park, Sutton's immediate response is, "No it's not, Jack does it all the time." Or if I won't let him have a piece of candy Sutton will say, "Well, Jack's mom let him have lots of candy today." Sutton's also quite proud of the fact that Jack is imaginary. He refers to him as "Jack, my imaginary friend." Jack is quite the character and I'm curious to see how long he sticks around.

Sutton is loving gymnastics and we've seen so much improvement in his balance and motor skills since he started in August. He loves to run and is always asking if we can go outside to race from the mailboxes to the streetlight. He got a bike for his 4th birthday and is finally gaining the confidence to ride with some speed and keep up with Darby. He's showing lots of interest in reading and loves to try and guess what letters are in words based on how they sound. He's struggled a bit to learn to write letters and draw shapes but we've made lots of progress lately and he's actually asking to draw more and more. He loves counting things and recently figured out counting backwards, so we do that A LOT.

Sutton is a boy full of boundless energy and lots of words. The boy is always moving and always talking. Always. He even talks in his sleep. We've had to work a lot lately on not interrupting and not telling the same story over and over. Also, volume control. Sutton has one volume. VERY LOUD. When we ask him to talk more quietly, he mouths words at us. I know eventually he will find that middle ground- I hope he finds it tomorrow. :) He loves to make up stories about any and everything... and this has lead to learning the difference between telling a story and telling a lie. I'm struggling a bit with this one. I don't want to squelch that creativity that gives us such funny and hilarious stories- this is a VERY Dugan trait that Sutton comes by very honestly thru his daddy and his Grandpa Mark. But I don't want him to be a liar either. It's a difference his little four-year-old mind is having a hard time comprehending and my almost 30-year-old mind hasn't figured out how to communicate yet.

Sutton Button, how I love his enthusiasm and energy... and how I hope I can teach him when to rein it in. :)

Parenting has been the best and hardest adventure of my life. I never knew it could feel so rewarding while simultaneously feeling so defeating. It rejuvenates as it exhausts. It's a rollercoaster. And I am thoroughly enjoying every moment of the ride- even the scary ones.

resolution

2010-12-30T12:37:00.005-06:00

Christmas is over. The New Year is about to begin. It's time for the Dugans to get down to business.

We had a lovely holiday. Lots of time with family. Lots of laughter. Too much good food. Not quite enough sleep. It couldn't have been better.

Darby goes back to school on Monday. Kyle goes back to work (his next semester of school is still 2 weeks away). Sutton and I are going to get back on a consistent routine. We had one at the beginning of the school year and it was great. Then, as is my way, something disrupted it and we never got back to it. But he and I both do better when we have a plan laid out for the day and the week. We've been running into some behavioral issues with the little man recently and I think it will keep Sutton and I both a little more sane if we can have some consistency.

I love the idea of New Year's resolutions. Though I rarely ever keep them. However, I like the idea of refocusing my energies and thoughts because it is the start of a new year. The timing is good for us right now as we are attempting to refocus our everyday life as a family. I'm realizing that my biggest hurdle in this endeavor is that I have so many bad habits and thought processes that I just haven't been aware of. And so bad habits are being born in my children that I just haven't been aware of. So, my personal resolution as we enter into 2011 is to be more aware, to stop floating thru my days without much thought or purpose, to be more intentional. I know this is vague. I feel a bit like I've been waking up for these last few months. I've been feeling the prickling and tingling- sometimes painfully so- as awareness and passion have begun recirculating through me. And now it's time to start moving.

Happy New Year!

anniversary

2010-12-15T10:41:00.005-06:00

Today Kyle and I have been married 9 years. This coming Valentine's Day will mark 11 years since our first date. These numbers are astonishing to me! Really, we are not so old that this should even be possible! We are only 29 and 30 years old!

However, we were just babies when we got married. I mean that. We were so young and so naive in so many ways. And we were excited! Excited to be married, excited to take the world on together, excited to be grown ups together.

Of course, what's happened over the last 9 years is that we have grown up together. And that has been a very interesting journey. With growth comes growing pains. And we've had plenty of those. There have been plenty of moments in our marriage full of hard work and tears and angry words and tense silences. There have been arguments over small things- how to properly load a dishwasher (we're still working on this one, ha!) or whose turn it is to change a diaper- and over big things- job changes, finances, time management. There've been hours upon hours of laughter about ridiculous things no one else would ever understand and about the joyful things our children do. There've been hours upon hours of conversation about things as inane as what laundry detergent to use and about things as important as our faith and our family. There have been boring moments and exciting ones. As we've grown as individuals we've had to continue to learn not only about ourselves but about each other as well. Things that we used to find endearing in each other can now easily cause annoyance. Hobbies and interests have changed, blossomed, developed, disappeared altogether. We've been continually learning how to support each other not only in our weaknesses but also in our strengths, which sometimes can be harder. And we've had to learn when to accept those weaknesses as just that, weakness, and to let it go. We've been continually learning how to laugh with each other even when we might not be very happy with each other at the moment. In a lot of ways we aren't the same people we were when we took our vows 9 years ago.

But that's where the beauty of it all shows the most. Because while we aren't the same people we were 9 years ago, while our relationship has been a rollercoaster ride of happpiness, laughter, arguments, tears, growth and change, our love and respect for each other have changed too. They've grown and matured and ripened. The bubbly, youthful, on-top-of-the-world love we had when we married is still there... it is the seed that grew what I see now when I look at our marriage. A love that's been tested by change and pride and life and come thru stronger on the other side. A love that's created 2 amazing kids who test us and make us laugh everyday. A love that's been a compass when things have seemed lost, that's provided roots when there has been instability and that has been worth every growing pain, tear and laugh. A love that provides all the joy and contentment any girl could ever ask for.

The past nine years have been more amazing and beautiful than my 20-year-old self could have ever imagined. They fill me with excitement and anticipation for all that the next 9 years and more will bring.... growing pains and all.

too much

2010-12-13T13:29:00.002-06:00

I'm having one of those days where there seems to be too much. Too much to do. Too much to clean. Too much to think about. Too much noise. Too much screaming (mostly from the children, though I've had my moments where I've come close). Too many Os in the word too. Ha.

These are the days where I crave the simplicity that we're working towards. Less to do. Less to clean. Fewer children (I won't be watching kids for extra money once we're out of this house). But then we come full circle, because it feels like there is just too much work in order to get there. And so I'm feeling impatient today and a little cranky. This bodes well for no one.

So, I'm taking a moment to just breathe and hopefully gain a little calm, a little focus.

Yesterday Kyle and I did some Christmas shopping. There wasn't a lot to buy. On both sides of our extended family we draw names for gifts for the grown-ups. So, just 4 gifts. And on my side of the family, where there are now seven little kids, we drew names for kids' gifts too. So only a few kid's gifts to buy. We have price limits in place as well. This should make Christmas shopping a breeze. And for the most part it does. It helps us to feel like we're avoiding getting caught up in the consumer-driven mindset of buying gifts just to buy them. We can get just a few things for a few people that they, hopefully, really want or need. So, yesterday should have been an easy and quick shopping trip.

Our problem arose when we were buying gifts for Darby and Sutton. Oh my. We decided a while back that we were not going to get them as much this year as we have in years past. 2 or 3 gifts each. At first we had a hard time just thinking of anything to get them. They have so much already. We walked around looking at everything and were just at a loss. If only it had lasted. We finally saw something that screamed "Darby" to us. And then it was like an avalanche of gift inspiration... expensive gift inspiration. And we remembered how easy it is to go overboard when getting fun things for your kids. Finally, we narrowed it down to an appropriate amount of appropriate gifts- one big gift, one small gift and a few stocking stuffers each. And one gift to share. And as we walked to the checkout line and waited our turn to pay we argued with ourselves. Did we get enough? Is what we chose fun enough? Cool enough? Are our kids going to feel gypped? Will they see and hear what friends received for Christmas and feel like they didn't get enough? Like we don't care about them as much?

Wait, what? WHAT?!?!?!?!

This is when, for me, this downsizing/simplifying business becomes so hard and so obviously necessary for us. Especially at this time of year, our culture places so much emphasis on stuff. There is so much definition placed on what one owns. At Christmas that emphasis is even placed on what one gives. And we LOVE to give our kids things that make their faces light up and that elicit squeals and giggles of joy. However.... since when is 2 or 3 gifts not enough? Especially given the fact that they will also be receiving gifts from family members and friends. I feel guilty saying only 2 or 3 gifts. How spoiled I've been! How much I've spoiled my kids!

So, simplicity at Christmas for us is about getting less stuff for Darby & Sutton- even when it may still be too much- and about adjusting how we think about why we give our kids stuff. Because if we get them more stuff just because we don't want them to feel like they got less than everyone else, then we are just perpetuating a vicious cycle of wanting more, more, more. Of wanting too much. And I'm pretty sure that's not what Christmas is supposed to be about.

There are things we can never have too much of. Love. Friendship. Encouragement. Family. And these are the things we want to give to Darby and Sutton in spades.

I'm feeling calmer now. More at peace. It's amazing what some fresh perspective will do for your attitude. :)

confession, clarification, inspiration

2010-12-09T12:04:00.003-06:00

I'll just start this whole thing off by clearing the air- I did NOT succeed in my stated goal for last week. While I did get a lot of laundry done, I didn't get it all done and certainly didn't go to bed at night with all the clean laundry put away. And there were a few times all the dishes weren't done either.

Whew, I feel better!

What I am proud of is that I'm not beating myself up about this at all. Just a few weeks ago I would have been. Whether I'd told anyone what my goals were or not... not accomplishing them would have sent me into a self-deprecating tailspin. But that's not where I am right now. And that feels pretty darn good. I just dusted myself off and am doing better this week.

So many people have been so very encouraging to me in this journey. The love and friendship that has been expressed has been amazing. It occurs to me, though, that I may have been unclear when describing the exact nature of my current struggle with laziness. I know that the norm for most people, especially those with small kids at home all day, is not a perfectly spotless house. And I know that it's impossible for even the most organized of people to stay on top of everything all the time. I also know that at the end of the day what's most important is that I've spent the day focusing on what's most important in my life- Kyle, Darby and Sutton. However.... I also know that most normal people are at least trying to keep up with things. My problem has been that, until recently, I haven't even been trying. For months now I've just wallowed in feelings of failure and inadequacy and done nothing. Nothing. I had given up. And I'd allowed those feelings to keep me from being a good mom and wife... I wasn't focusing on my husband and kids in any way but to focus on how I was failing them.... which was causing me to just fail them even more. It wasn't pretty.

And that's where I was when this all started 2 posts ago. But everyday, every time I manage to fight my desire to do nothing and instead do something- no matter how small- that cloud of inadequacy lifts some. And it's awesome. :)

I apologize if I'm being repetitive. I just know that there were some who were worrying about me. Or that maybe I'd inadvertently hurt feelings by implying that only lazy people have messy houses. There's nothing to worry about here. And I sincerely apologize if anyone was hurt or offended. That was never my intent.

I still want to post about Christmas and will.... but I feel it deserves it's own post and I don't have the time right now (I'm squeezing this into lunchtime :). For now, let's suffice to say that we are still giving and receiving gifts. The number and prices of those gifts has changed some this year and that's a good thing.

As we've been looking to simplify and downsize it's become more and more apparent that it will be easier said than done. It's not a simple task to simplify, oddly enough. Occasionally I start to feel overwhelmed by it. When I do there's a couple of places that help me remember why I want to do this. I thought I'd share them.

Becoming Minimalist

I haven't read thru this whole site yet. I've found lots of inspiration from the articles on the benefits of minimalism and the 10 most important things to simplify in your life. Everything I've read here is good though.

Recipe for Simplicity

Just an article that I felt gets to the heart of simplicity, not just regarding possessions but with other aspects of life as well.

Both of these resources have been great inspirations to me, though I realize that the ideas and concepts outlined may not be realistic for everyone, even for us. But there is lots of food for thought there.

Thanks for hanging with me.... this was kinda rambling. :)

routine

2010-11-29T08:02:00.003-06:00

Here we are, Monday. The start of a new week. Darby and Kyle are both back to school for a few weeks. I'm back to my regular childcare schedule (I watch a 3 year old boy and our 7 month old niece during the week).

We all had last week off. It was lovely. And one would think that I would have taken advantage of the free time to get caught up on all that is behind around my house. I probably should have. Instead I used the time to sleep in, watch old 80's cartoons with my kids and catch up on a lot of talking with my husband- the 2 of us could talk each other's ears off all day, everyday, but haven't had the time to do so with his busy school schedule. We spent great time with our families on Thanksgiving and ate way too much food. As I said, it was lovely.

But the holiday is over and it's time to get down to business. I'll be honest and say that I don't really want to. (Lazy, remember?) But I will. In the past I've made myself chore lists and schedules so that I know what I need to do when. And I can usually stick to them for a while and things go smoothly. But when anything throws that routine off it's VERY hard for me to get back to it. So I've decided that I should go about this is in smaller steps. Right now my goal is to just get my house to everyday clean. I know for most people this is the way homes always are. Not for us. I am NOT a good housekeeper. Usually our house is a chaotic mess with toys everywhere, piles of clean laundry needing to be folded and put away, mountains of dirty laundry needing to be washed, there are almost always dishes needing to be done and trash to be taken out. We have three weeks til Darby's out of school for the 2 week Christmas break. I won't have the 3 year old boy those 2 weeks. And I REALLY don't want to spend that 2 weeks feeling like I need to be working hard to catch up.

Here's what I think is gonna work:

1) I'll do one BIG catch-up project each of these next 3 weeks:

-1st week: laundry (yes, there is that much to do, it will take all week!)

-2nd week: clean out bedroom closets & dressers and the kids' toy corner to get rid of everything old, broken, ill-fitting and unused

-3rd week: clean out kitchen & bathroom cabinets and drawers and organize the pantry and refrigerator

2) Daily tasks. I will not go to bed at night until:

-all clean, dry laundry is put away

-all toys and shoes are put in their appropriate places

-all dishes are clean or in the dishwasher (even if that means handwashing some because the dishwasher is full)

3) Somewhere in here I'm going to get the Christmas tree put up and decorated.

I know, I know. These are things that normal, productive people do already. Well, that's my goal- to be a normal, productive person. :) I'm hoping this will develop good habits for me and the kids (I won't be picking those toys up everyday!) and get us caught up enough that our 2 weeks together while Darby is out of school can be spent doing fun things and just maintaining everyday clean. Then, when the holidays are over, the real work begins- getting this house ready to sell and continuing to reduce the amount of stuff we own!

I apologize if this is too much mundane information. I'm attempting to hold myself accountable by posting this for the whole world to see.

I've had several people ask how we are going to go about giving and receiving gifts while simplifying during this Christmas season. I hope to write about that later this week as well as share some resources that I've found to be encouraging and inspiring regarding simplicity.

But for now.... Mt. Laundry is calling my name!

Upheaval

2010-11-23T16:28:00.005-06:00

Once upon a time I was an optimist. A person who woke up every morning and listened to the song “Happy Girl” by Martina McBride and made it my personal theme song. It was easy for me to find something to smile about, to be grateful for, to look forward to. I felt good about who I was as a person and how I spent my time. I didn’t generally worry too much about what people thought about me or what I looked like or what I weighed or what I owned. I was 15-16 years old, my mom was dying of cancer and I was scared of so many things. But I was content.

Some people might say that I was naive. That I was in denial about my mom’s illness and the reality that she would die. Some might say that I was spoiled... I wasn’t worried about what I owned because I’d been given so very much. I wanted for nothing. And those things are likely partial truths. I was naive. I was spoiled. I don’t think I was in denial about Mom. In fact, I think when it came to the reality of my mom’s situation I was soaking her up. Yes, I was insulating myself from the pain sometimes by being overly “up” and by immersing myself in social activities, both at school and at church. And yes, I developed a mask of false strength that was so often hiding the pain and fear that I felt. And that wasn’t healthy. But now, nearly 13 years after her death, when I look back at myself as a whole- I was a content person who was fairly secure in myself and who I was. And maybe that was a result of what we were going thru with Mom. I think it was a result of really great parenting by my Mom and Dad. And I think it is what helped me get thru the loss of Mom and subsequent family issues without losing my sanity.

Over the last year, especially over the last 4 or 5 months, I’ve become a discontent person. I don’t like myself. I don’t feel sure of myself about ANYTHING. I’ve become lackadaisical about life in general. Kyle put it pretty succinctly the other night when he told me that I’ve “stopped living.” It is probably not inaccurate to say that I’ve been struggling with depression. I’ve lost my ability to even look for the bright side of things let alone to actually see it. I have lost my passion for anything and everything. My biggest and most constant struggle for my entire life- including the content and happy years- has been laziness. If I don’t want to do something, I don’t. If I think it’s going to be boring, un-fun or tiring.... well, I put it off. (That spoiled-ness from my childhood has reared it’s ugly head in my adulthood.) And in my discontent and depression that laziness has become more than just a struggle. It has CONSUMED me. And it’s fed my feelings of worthlessness and depression. It’s been a vicious cycle that has started to hurt my family and put tremendous strain on my marriage.

Something has to change. I need an upheaval. I need a jump start, a shock to my system. The cycle MUST be broken before irreparable damage is done.

Kyle has always had a strong desire for simplicity. I’ve often joked that if he hadn’t married me, Kyle would be content to live in a cardboard box, eating wild edible plants off the side of the road. I have always liked the idea of simplifying things.... but I also really like stuff. And Kyle and I both grew up with the idea of the American dream and the seemingly ingrained idea that being a grown-up means owning a house, filling it with pretty things and working hard to upgrade that status as soon as possible. When we bought our house in Portland we felt so adult. We didn’t NEED that house. We absolutely loved the apartment we were in... but buying a house was the next logical step. And we LOVED our townhouse in Portland. It was the “responsible” thing to do. And when we moved to Texas we kept right on with the forward progression. We were making more money, living in an area with a lower cost of living than OR and had a new baby on the way... so we bought a bigger house. And we bought new furniture. And we spent A LOT of money. And as our kids have gotten older and time has passed we have continued to spend money and to fill this house up with stuff. Too much stuff.

Add in my laziness and depression.... this house and all of the stuff in it is OUT OF CONTROL. Our family is the embodiment of the statement, “The more stuff you own, the more your stuff owns you.”

Something has to change. We need an upheaval, a jump start, a shock to the system. The cycle MUST be broken before irreparable damage is done.

Kyle and I have both had a strong passion for the people of Africa. Nearly 7 years ago my heart was captivated by the plight of the people there.... HIV/AIDS, malaria, hunger, poverty and death. We decided to be helpful in the ways we could. We started sponsoring a little Ugandan girl thru World Vision. We became members of the ONE Campaign. We started donating to Oxfam. And when Kyle took his current job with Immeasurably More we saw an even greater opportunity to help. The resources were there to take others. And so in the space of a year Kyle took 2 trips to Africa. One was a scouting trip to Kenya, Uganda and Rwanda. And the second was back to Kenya with 9 others. They worked with dying mothers in Kibera slum. They took care of abandoned babies, many who had HIV. My husband came back a changed man. He struggled with accepting the affluence and the wealth we have. He was overwhelmed with it all and didn’t know where to start to make personal changes. It’s been a struggle for him for nearly 4 years. And I confess that I didn’t help with this struggle. I was dealing with my own jealousy that I was unable to go to Africa on either trip... and so I didn’t really want to hear about his experience there. And there is simply no way that I could completely understand what he experienced, how he was changed. And so I selfishly resisted any change. In doing so, I smothered my own passion for the people of Africa. I squelched my own feelings about it because I was too weak and immature and selfish.

Lately though, I’ve been able to see my immaturity and selfishness for what it was. And I’ve felt that stirring in my heart to be more, to do more. And I’ve been able to start to let go of my jealousy and to recognize the struggle that my husband has been going through. A struggle that has everything to do with our material possessions and how we manage them.

Christmas is coming up. And with it come all the advertisements about perfect gifts and all of the pressure to buy, buy, buy. And to want, want, want. And I find myself slipping into old habits of wanting and buying. And not just for myself but for Darby and Sutton. And as I type they are fighting over toys and not cleaning up the mess they made. A huge mess because they have SO MUCH STUFF to get out. And so it is SO MUCH STUFF to pick up.

Something has to change. We need an upheaval, a jump start, a shock to the system. The cycle MUST be broken before irreparable damage is done.

So what this all comes down to is this: Kyle and I are done talking about changing. We’re done talking about simplicity. We’re ready to start acting. I love history and biography. I was reading about Theodore Roosevelt some time back. When he was going through a rough time in his life- his wife had died- he struggled not to be consumed by grief & depression. He took as his personal motto a saying that was a staple of the Roosevelt family- “Get action!” Well, I am finally, FINALLY ready to take action. I must be fair to my husband- my precious, everlastingly patient husband- and say that he’s been ready to take action for a long, long while. He’s just been waiting for me to be ready to do something, to do anything. And I am happy to say, if a little nervous about it, that I am ready. So, so, so ready.

As we’ve approached Thanksgiving this year I’ve been struggling to be thankful. Struggling to find a reason to laugh everyday. But over the last week I’ve managed to at least poke a hole in the fog of gloom I’ve been stuck in. I’ve been blessed with an amazing family. I was raised by 2 amazing parents. My sister is my best friend and I get to live in the same town as she does. She married a great guy who was already one of mine and Kyle’s best friends so now we get to call him brother. I am blessed by the sweetest stepmom a girl could ask for. I was blessed to get 3 brothers when I was already practically grown. And those 3 brothers brought 3 awesome sisters-in-law into my life who are all very dear friends. Kyle’s family is tons of fun and has accepted me with love and grace and we enjoy each other and get along with each other and respect each other. I know what a blessing and a rarity it is to be able to say that about one’s in-laws. I have 5 adorable nieces and 1 precious nephew I get to love on and who will be great cousins and playmates to my kids. I have my own extended family- cousins and aunts and uncles whom I’m so blessed to have close relationships with and call my friends. I have friends who are as close to me and dear to me as my actual family. Friends who have stood by my side thru the hardest and the happiest moments of my life.

And I have Darby. Darby, my firstborn, who first taught me what unconditional love felt like. Darby, who astounds me with her intelligence, her memory and her curiosity. Darby who inherited her Daddy’s love of learning and the outdoors. Darby who sees so much and is so wise already. She makes me realize everyday just how much there is to learn in every aspect of life... because she’s always, always learning.

And I have Sutton. Sutton, my little man, who has the ability to make me choke on my laughter even while I’m so mad at him or frustrated with him (a trait he inherited from his Daddy). Sutton, who has the ability to have hours of fun with just one little toy car, and has taught me how few things we really need to have joy in life. Sutton, whose sense of adventure and mischievousness have forced me out of my laziness- sometimes in good ways... sometimes in bad ones.

And I have Kyle. Kyle, who makes me laugh harder than anyone I’ve ever known. Kyle, who encourages me to think harder and deeper, to step outside of my comfort zones and all the boxes I’ve built for myself to see things in new ways. Kyle, who is always seeking to learn and to grow. Kyle who knows me inside & out, good & bad, pretty & ugly (sometimes REALLY ugly) and still wants me around. Still loves me when I am, at times, so very unlovable.

I need to shed the excess. WE need to shed the excess. So, we’re taking steps. We’re in the process of getting rid of A TON of our stuff. Selling it. Donating it. Just plain trashing the trash. It’s been weighing us down for so very long. I’ve been drowning in it. And none of it is necessary. We’re hoping to be able to sell our house by this coming summer. It’s too big. It costs a lot of money and time to maintain. And we don’t need it. We don’t even want it anymore. Our hope is that once we shed the excess we’ll be able to spend our time focusing on what really matters to us- spending quality time with each other, having the time and the resources to help others without feeling like we’re shirking other responsibilities, teaching our kids that life’s not about what we own but about how we love other people.

We know this is extreme. And we know that this isn’t the right decision for everyone. Heck, even 6 months ago this wasn’t the right choice for us. In a year or 2 or 10 it may not be the right choice anymore. But right now it is. It’s our upheaval, our jump start, our shock to the system. And while I have my fears about this road we’re starting on and know that it won’t be easy and that it will be a lot of work, I am filled with more hope and excitement than I have been in a long time.

We’d appreciate your prayers as we start this journey.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.... almost!

2010-11-16T10:32:00.002-06:00

I think the time from Halloween to New Years is my favorite time of the year. There're so many fun things to do and so much emphasis on thankfulness and family and friends. I love the crisper, cooler weather- have to soak that up while it lasts, cause it doesn't last long here!

And I LOVE to send and receive Christmas cards! This year I'm particularly excited to send cards because my brother, Joel, is an awesome photographer and we just took pictures with him this past week. AND Shutterfly is having an awesome giveaway (50 cards for free!) for bloggers! They have so many awesome designs to choose from.... I've literally spent way too much time just looking and looking at the designs. If you're a blogger, take advantage of this awesome opportunity. Shutterfly also has awesome photo calendar options like this that I really want! (I really LOVE calendars and haven't had one that I just loved for a few years now.)

I can't wait to make my own cards! YAY for Christmas!

mother's day

2010-05-09T09:08:00.005-05:00

Usually Mother's Day is a day that is hard for me. A day that I allow myself to really feel my mother's absence. After all, for weeks leading up to this Sunday every year I've been inundated with commercials and television shows and radio ads all talking about the best way to show your mother you appreciate her. And that's not always a lot of fun when your mom isn't physically around to be appreciated. So, in the past, I've used Mother's Day as a day to remember Mom. To think back to all the lessons she taught me, the fun times we had together and the strength and faith she had all her life, but particularly during her illness. As can be expected, this tends to make me a little sad. Because this makes me wish she were here.

Six years ago on Mother's Day, I found myself weeks away from becoming a mother myself (though it should have only been days... Darby decided to make her entrance 10 DAYS LATE). And the dynamic of Mother's Day started to change for me. That year, I was scared to death and, to be honest, a little angry that my own mom wasn't there to help me do this. It didn't make sense to me that I could become a mother without my own mother. Then, 19 days later, Darby Gail was born. And my whole world changed...

While I missed my mom so very much the day Darby was born I was also so overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with love for this perfect little angel who had already completely filled my heart with so much emotion. Overwhelmed with gratitude for the effort my mom had made just to bring me into the world- 25 hours of labor isn't easy! The good and happy emotions were just too good and too happy for me to be very sad. And that in itself was an overwhelming and beautiful thing.

Over the next year of learning to be a mom I found myself wishing for my mom in new ways. And while sometimes that made me sad I was mostly just grateful. Grateful that I was having this experience with a daughter of my own. It has made me feel connected to my mom in a whole new way. It's made me appreciate her so much more. And it's made me wish I could apologize and show her my gratitude in person. Apologize for making her work so hard and thank her for loving me anyway. :)

On my first Mother's Day as a mother, Kyle and our family of friends in Portland made me feel so amazingly special and loved. It was a beautiful day. And it was the first Mother's Day in 9 years that I didn't wallow in my tears and sadness. I missed my mom- so much- and I did cry some. But I wasn't overwhelmed with it all. And, I apologize if this sounds selfish, I think it's because it wasn't about my mom or even about my own feelings anymore. It was about the fact that I was a mom. That there was now this precious little girl who I had given birth to and I (with Kyle, of course) was responsible for bringing up in the world.

A year and half later, my heart doubled in size and feeling when my Sutton was born...

And I found myself in that same limbo of missing my mother so much I could taste it and being overcome with joy and gratitude that I was being given this experience again in a whole new way with a son. A son who looks so much like my mom that it's a bit eerie sometimes. He has her eyes and her smile. Sutton is a whole new and different and amazing connection to my mother. And he has been a whole new, different and amazing adventure in parenting. :)

Yes, over the last 6 years my Mother's Day experiences have changed. I appreciate my own mom so much more than I ever knew was possible. And I also find myself overwhelmed with gratitude to any woman who has or is mothering right now. It's an amazing, never-ending journey. One that I'm so blessed to be a part of.

I can't lie. I'm missing my mama today more than I do the other 364 days of the year. My little sister, Rachel, is having her 1st Mother's Day today, as an expectant mommy. In October she'll give birth and start this adventure too. And I find myself not understanding how we can be at this place in life and not have our Mom with us.

But I'm also so glad. Glad that Rachel and I live in the same town and I get to be around when she becomes a mom. That I get to witness it all. That we're going to be moms together. I know Mom would have loved that.

Today, while I'm sad, I'm also glad. Glad to be a mom. Glad that my mom was the amazing mom she was. Glad to be surrounded by so many family members and friends who are wonderful mothers that I learn so much from. And I am SO SO SO GLAD for Kyle, who helps me be a better mom by being such an awesome dad, and for Darby and Sutton who make being a mom the best job a girl could ask for.

Happy Mother's Day!

gratitude

2009-12-13T11:06:00.003-06:00

My mind has been in overdrive for the last day or so. Life is just full of so many ups and downs and surprises. And that always gets me thinking incessantly.

We learned yesterday that a dear friend of Kyle's dad's passed away unexpectedly. I only spent a handful of hours with Terry. But that was enough to know what an awesome man he was. My heart is hurting for his 3 kids and his wife. Selfishly, my heart is breaking for Kyle, Krista and Kara. They lost their dad when they were so young and Terry was one of the precious links they had to Mark. And now Terry's gone as well and I know in some ways it feels like Kyle, Krista and Kara are losing another piece of their dad and their childhood.

This just adds to the sense of sadness & bittersweet nostalgia that hovers around me at this time of year. I won't be all morose or melancholy... that's not really what I'm feeling right now. Mostly, I'm feeling a sense of urgency to be more proactive in my relationships. To be more grateful for the beauty in my life. It would be so easy to look back over my short 28 years of life and see only the pain and hurt and sadness and darkness. And there has been plenty. And there will be more. That's the way life works. But there is also so much beauty and love and joy and light.

I have days where I feel that I'm too young to have lost so many people that I love, to have been to so many funerals of loved family members and friends, to be able to visit a cemetery plot where my mom, aunt and grandparents are buried and my sweet cousin Neal will be memorialized. And there are days when that all hurts so much that I can't breathe. Honestly though, the last several times I've been out to that cemetery plot I've felt such joy. What a legacy of love, strength, and faith I've been left by these people. How wonderful the years I had with them were. What an awesome family they all helped to create. My last visit was with my sister, 3 of my cousins and my aunt (my mom's sister). We were having an extremely lovely and fun weekend together. As we stood looking at the markers for Mom, Aunt Jana and Grandpa and Grandma and discussed ways that we could honor Neal, there was such a mixture of emotions. Sadness that we were having this Massie girls' weekend and Mom and Aunt Jana weren't there. Bewilderment that this is a legitimate family outing now (how many families can say that?). But mostly there was joy and gratitude. While the losses still sting and sometimes burn, we are all closer for it. I cherish my Massie family so much more because of the loss and the pain that we all share. Our times together feel richer.

I could honestly write for hours about the ways losing my mom has impacted my life. In a lot of ways it is the event in my life that has shaped me the most. I would even say more than becoming a wife or a mother. I know that may sound dramatic or exaggerated. But I believe it is true. I've spent countless hours looking at the blessings and the hardships of the 13 months of Mom's cancer and the following 12 years (and counting) of grief and mourning. And sometimes I ask myself if I would go back and trade it all to have Mom here now. It may seem calloused to say, but I don't know how to answer that question. There was a time where I would have quickly and easily answered, "YES! None of the good that's occurred in my life since she died, none of the happiness was worth losing her. Bring her back NOW." Time and growth have given me a different lens to look through now. And I don't know. I don't want to know what life without my stepmom, my 3 brothers, my 3 sisters-in-law and my 3 nieces would look like. They are so much a part of my heart now. They are TREMENDOUS blessings to me that I would not have had my mom not died. I feel confident that the choices made that led me to Kyle and thus to our kids would not have been made had my mom not died. And Kyle, Darby and Sutton ARE my heart and my life. There is NOTHING I would trade for my family.

It would be easy to dwell and make a victim of myself because of the painful things that have happened in my life. And there are days, sometimes weeks, where that is exactly what I do. But I want to live a life of gratitude. I want to live a life that shows my kids that there is beauty in pain and loss. That there is always joy to be found, peace to be had and people who will love them no matter what. I want them to know that it's appreciation of the good things in our lives and recognition of the beauty all around us that makes the pain and darkness survivable, if not always bearable. I want them to know that while life can suck... it is also beautiful.

I would ask that you say a prayer for the Simpson family today. And for my precious husband and his sisters. Thank you so much.

a growing boy

2009-12-06T21:53:00.002-06:00

On November 16 my sweet boy turned 3. I cannot believe that Sutton is so big and so old! These past 3 years have gone so quickly. My baby is not a baby anymore. :(

Sutton is the most energetic, joyful, silly little guy. He is the very definition of boy. He LOVES cars and dinosaurs and monsters and trains and anything scary. He runs around the house growling and roaring all day. He's always asking Kyle, Darby or me to "bear fight" with him... which really means that he wants us to let him knock us down. :) He takes immense pleasure in destruction... so he's always tearing things, knocking things down and generally seeing how much trouble he can get into. (Sutton has completely redefined exhaustion in our house. :) ) Kyle and I were laughing just tonight about how Sutton's goal in life is to be something scary when he grows up. He'll say, "When I grow up I'll be a scary dragon." Or "I'm going to be a spooky ghost when I'm a grown up." He's been pretty fascinated with growing up and what all that means. Occasionally he gets confused and says things like, "I'll be in your tummy when I'm a grown up." Which makes us all laugh and then he'll say, "No, that's silly. I'm so silly!"

While Sutton is definitely in the phase of growing up where he's testing us to see what he can get away with and where the boundaries are he's also the most loving, cuddly boy. He loves to sit on our laps and will just walk up and give you a hug for no reason. If we're reading a book or watching a movie together he has to be touching us. He tends to drive Darby a little crazy because he always wants to sit as close to her as he can... which sometimes means he tries to sit ON her. Sutton and Darby are developing such a sweet relationship with each other. When we pick Darby up from school Sutton will ask, "How was your day Darbs? What did your teacher teach you today?" After answering, Darby always asks Sutton how his day was and what he did. I've been impressed lately that he seems to be able to recall in accurate order the things he's done and what he liked about it. His teachers at preschool tell us that Sutton is an extremely intelligent boy and that he has boundless energy... these are things we already knew of course. :)

Sutton is a talker and everlastingly curious so I spend a good portion of everyday answering questions. He's been very curious about Darby's process of learning to read, write and spell so his favorite thing to ask lately, though he has no way of understanding the answer yet, is how to spell words. Or he'll list a random string of letters out and ask what they spell. "What does B, R, P, N, A spell?" So funny and precious.

Sutton brings so much joy and energy to everyday and keeps this mama on her toes. I cannot imagine how boring life would be without Sutton Button making us laugh and keeping us running. :) It truly is amazing how much love and laughter he's added to our family. How very blessed we are!

Happy birthday, Sutton Edward! We love you beyond measure!

Tresses

2009-10-06T09:58:00.017-05:00

Darby is- in my very biased opinion- the most beautiful little girl EVER. Over the 5 years of her life we've taken quite a journey with her hair. For the longest time it just didn't really grow.

July 2005, 14 months old

July 2006, 2 years

May 2007, 3 years

Then, all of a sudden, her hair began to grow...

May 2008, 4 years

and grow....

May 2009, 5 years

For the past year we have had the most fun playing with Darby's hair. French braids, ponytails, pigtails, buns. It's been a blast. For the past several weeks we've been talking about getting Darby's hair trimmed, the ends were getting pretty dry and unhealthy and it was getting difficult to do quickly. I'd been putting it off and putting it off because I couldn't bear the thought of touching scissors to the beautiful hair we'd waited so long for.

This past Sunday, Kyle and Darby were talking about her hair and how fast it had grown. Darby, on her own initiative, told Kyle, "I want to cut my hair and give it to people with cancer like my Grandma Gail." The 3 of us spent a while talking about what that meant and how short we'd have to cut her hair in order to donate it. I won't lie, I think Kyle and I were both kind of trying to talk her out of it. But Darby was determined. So, yesterday after school Darby and I went to Pigtails & Crewcuts for more than just the little trim I'd been trying to talk myself into.

before

during

after

She looks adorable! And so much older! The ladies at the salon were all so impressed with Darby. And Kyle and I couldn't be more proud. When the stylist cut off Darby's ponytail and showed it to her, I was a little worried about her reaction. Darby's eyes got really wide and she looked a little shocked. Then she giggled and on we went! In the car on the way home I was saying that the best thing about hair is that it always grows back (I was soothing myself more than Darby!). Darby responded, "Yep! It'll grow back and then we'll donate it again and it'll grow back and then we'll donate it again! We'll get to help so many people!" What a sweetie!

Today I'm mailing the 1st of what I'm sure will be many envelopes to Locks of Love. I'm so proud of my sweet, generous and loving little girl. I'm glad that she knows and loves her Grandma Gail so much, even though they never met. I've no doubt at all that my mom loves sweet Darby Gail just as much!

Sutton's 1st day of school

2009-09-01T15:19:00.002-05:00

Today was Sutton's 1st day of preschool. He has been SO EXCITED about this for a long time. Last week, when we were all ramping up for Darby to start school, Sutton was running around thinking that he was going to kindergarten too! He's so used to being with Darby all day everyday. And he knew that we'd gotten him a backpack and lunchbox. So, he just thought he was going to kindergarten too! When we went to Darby's open house the week before kinder started Sutton declared that the classroom next door to Darby's was "my school." For Darby's first few days of school he wasn't very happy not to get to go in too. So, he has been very, very ready to go to his own school and play on his own playground.

When we dropped him off this morning he just ran in, started playing and sort of yelled, "Bye, Mom!" over his shoulder. His teachers told me that he did just fabulously well and couldn't have been better! I'm so proud!

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself having 10 child-free hours a week now. Probably do super exciting things like take a shower, go grocery shopping or maybe even eat lunch without having to share! :)

Darby's 1st day of Kindergarten

2009-08-24T14:25:00.003-05:00

Today my baby started kindegarten. I won't lie... I've been a bit of a mess about this. And it's really surprised me. For the most part in the months since we registered Darby and started the whole process of getting ready for kindergarten I've been pretty excited. Then, 2 weeks ago, we went to kindergarten orientation. The kids all went into the multipurpose room to play while the parents met with the principal. Darby, who is extremely sociable and not afraid of anything, just walked in and sat down without any hesitation. As Kyle and I walked away I realized that my face was wet. I was crying! And I never even saw it coming! Well, ever since then I've been a little emotional about the whole thing.

Last night after the kids were asleep I peeked in on them. As I watched Darby sleeping I just fell apart. And that's not an exaggeration at all. I had to sit down I was crying so hard. Again, did not see that coming. But seriously, where did the last 5 years go?! She was a tiny baby 5 minutes ago! And now she's off to school and not such a baby anymore. I did okay today. Got a little teary on the drive to school and a little teary peeking in at her as she started making friends with the kids in her class. But no actual crying. I guess I got it all out last night!

Darby is going to do fabulously. She's so smart, she loves to learn new things and is so inquisitive and curious. And Sutton and I have had the most fun today playing and reading and singing and dancing. He even helped me do the dishes and we laughed and laughed. I'm excited to have some good one-on-one time with him. He's so much fun! Sutton starts pre-school next week... so be on the lookout for another weepy post! :)

Darby is 5!!!!

2009-06-05T17:33:00.010-05:00

And a Pre-kindergarten graduate!

On May 28 my first baby turned 5 and graduated from pre-K. It's amazing to me that she is so big and so old! Darby is just a precious girl, inside and out. Darby loves to read and sing. She's still just so very imaginative. And she loves animals like crazy. The result is that she spends a majority of her time pretending to be some sort of animal or another. Her current favorites are wolves and dragons. The other day after I told her that we were having orange danish for breakfast she said, "Well, I am going to pretend it is dead animals because I am a wolf and they eat dead animals." She has a very detailed imagination. =) Darby loves her little brother, Sutton, to bits and pieces. She really does play so well with him... most of the time. They laugh at each other all day long and it just makes my heart happy. Darby is a big rule-follower and a tad bit bossy so she and Sutton do have their arguments. (Sutton is proving to enjoy breaking rules a lot more than following them.) Darby has a generous heart and is very good at sharing. She's becoming more and more independent and while that makes me very proud it also makes me miss my little baby. =)

Darby had a great time in preschool this year and is SO EXCITED about kindergarten in the fall. She had her graduation from High Hopes Preschool on May 28 and she looked just fabulous and was quite the little performer.

Darby in her new graduation dress and "Birthday Girl" tiara that Kyle's mom gave her. When I asked her if she wanted to take off the tiara for graduation she said, "Then how will people know it is my birthday?"

The graduation performance.

A whole row of family there to cheer Darby on.

Opening a few birthday presents after graduation and ice cream.

On May 30 we had a birthday party for Darby. My cousin Meredith, who lives down the street from us, graciously offered to let us use her backyard, which is much bigger than our own. We had a pink bouncy castle and cake and ice cream and lots of friends and family. It was hot but so much fun and Darby loved every minute of it.

Darby and Sutton in the pink castle.

The cake. This was my first attempt at writing in icing and, while not beautiful, not too bad either, if I say so myself. Darby requested a Tinkerbell AND Cinderella cake that was chocolate with pink and blue icing. So here it is!

Darby opening presents. Darby and her buddy, Bryce.
Sweet Simone.
Darby and her friend, Kat.
Darby and her bestie, Audrey.

It was a great day. Love you sweet Darby Gail!

For Memorial Day weekend Kyle and I were able to go to Washington, DC with Scott and Meredith. I will do a post about that when I get Meredith's pictures. It was a great time!

Until next time!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T15:09:00.001-05:00

new babies and growing up

2009-05-06T11:39:00.007-05:00

Our family has recently had 2 new additions. On March 10, my oldest brother, Jonathan, and his wife, Jessica, had their second daughter, Gabriella Joy. On May 2, my middle brother, Jared, and his wife, April, had their first baby, Adelyn Grace. I'm so excited to have these new nieces and Darby and Sutton are so glad for more cousins.

Adelyn Grace, one day old. Don't you just love her red hair?!

Adelyn and Gabriella, almost 2 months old. Love Gabriella's little grin!

The first attempt at getting a picture of all 5 grandkids. Adelyn, Gabriella, Sutton, Simone and Darby.

With the newly arrived babies, Mother's Day just around the corner and Darby's 5th birthday fast-approaching, I've been doing lots of reminiscing. In some ways it is so strange to me that I'm a mother. And that I've got 2 beautiful children that aren't babies anymore.

Parenting has been such an adventure. Most days it's just a pure pleasure to be with my kids. To watch them learn things and explore. To watch them learn to play together and become friends. I won't lie though. There are also days where I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I'm learning that parenting is a lot about picking your battles and being consistent. And those are things that are easier said than done. I'm not always the best at picking which battles to fight- especially with Darby. And being consistent can be so exhausting and time consuming- especially with Sutton. But then one or both of them will do something that makes me laugh or makes me proud. And then I'm just so grateful that I have these little ones in my life making it better and richer.

What's really amazing is how fast it all goes. I can't believe how big my babies are. How smart and independent they are becoming. It was just yesterday that they looked like this:

Darby Gail, 10 days old

Sutton Edward, 10 days old

And now they look like this:

Darby, Easter 2009

Sutton, Easter 2009

Happy early Mother's Day to all you wonderful mothers out there!

God is Love

2009-04-07T11:07:00.003-05:00

Below is an excerpt from the book Instrument of Thy Peace: Meditations on the prayer of St. Francis of Assissi by Alan Paton. Paton also wrote Cry, the Beloved Country which is one of my favorite novels of all time. I recently wrote an essay on God's will for an online journal. I haven't really broadcast that fact much, I don't know why, it's a little embarassing I guess. You can read my essay here. The book this excerpt comes from is one of Kyle's favorites. Paton's words below really resonated with me. And I just wanted to share. I don't want to say too much about this excerpt, as I think it speaks beautifully for itself.

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Everyone who loves is a child of God and knows God, but the unloving know nothing of God. For God is love. 1 John 4:7-8 NEB

This is a tremendous saying and it carries a most tremendous message to those who are faithful yet at times are troubled by doubt, to those who are doubtful yet at times are troubled by faith, it carries this tremendous message to those who already love Christ, but are terrified and appalled and bewildered by the great superstructure of the beliefs and the theologies and the ordinances and the disunities and the irrelevancies of Christianity and the churches. I shall not easily forget reading Malcolm Muggeridge on the Crucifixion in the 1967 Easter Day issue of The Observer. Mr. Muggeridge writes that he "can grasp some sort of notion of a Deity, and of his loving purpose, in which I, in common with all creation, am inextricably enmeshed." But he cannot believe in the Virgin Birth, or that Jesus was God's son "in any particular sense," or in the Resurrection. He writes, "I even prefer to suppose that some bodysnatcher, accustomed to hang about Golgotha to pick up anything that might be going, heard in his dimwitted way that the King of the Jew was up for execution. Good! he thinks; there are bound to be pickings there. So he waits till the job is done, finds out where the corpse has been laid, drags the stones away, and then, making sure no one is watching, decamps with the body.

"What a disappointment for him! This King of the Jews has no crown, no jewels, no ors, no sceptre, no ring; he is just a worthless, wasted, broken, naked body. The man contemptuously abandons the body to the vultures, who in their turn leave the bones to whiten in the sun.

"Those precious, precious bones!"

And I say to myself, what does one say to any person who wants to believe and who cannot believe (or who certainly cannot believe it all)? What does one say to one who loves Christ and cannot believe in the Virgin Birth or the Resurrection? What does one say to one who wants to believe that God is the kind of God that Jesus believed him to be, and who wants to worship him, but cannot accept the accumulation of creeds and articles and doctrines that seem in the eyes of the churched to be inseparable from God? What does one say to one who writes with such longing disbelief of those precious, precious bones, yet believes them to be only the bones of an ordinary man?

This problem is a real one. Was this wonderful man only wonderful when he taught morality, and not when he taught theology? Was his knowledge sound about man, and unsound about the divine and the supernatural? Was his life magnificent, but was he unsound on sex and marriage and divorce?

I myself no longer presume to answer these questions with assurance. I cannot construct a body of belief that will be acceptable to all. Leslie Weatherhead, whose integrity I would never question, rejects miracle after miracel, doctrine after doctrine, and then says he believes in the Resurrection.

Is there nothing to hold on to? I believe there is, and it is that God is love, that if I love I am a child of God, and that if I am unloving I know not God. So I would say to those who love Christ and want to follow him, but are afraid of the doctrines and the theology, that they respond in confidence to the call, "Take heart, it is I, do not be afraid."

He came and took me by the hand

Up to a red rose tree,

He kept his meaning to Himself

But gave a rose to me.

I did not pray Him to lay bare

The mystery to me,

Enough the rose was Heaven to smell

And His own face to see.

RALPH HODGSON

O Lord, perfect for me that which is lacking of Thy gifts: of faith, increase my littleness of faith; of hope, establish trembling hope; of love, kindle its smoking flame; shed abroad Thy love in my heart, withal love to Thee, my friend in Thee, mine enemy for Thee. Let me fear one thing only, the fearing aught more than Thee.

LANCELOT ANDREWES

O God, Creator of mankind, I do not aspire to comprehend You or Your creation, nor to understand pain or suffering. I aspire only to relieve the pain and suffering of others, and I trust that in doing so, I may understand more clearly Your nature, that You are the Father of all mankind, and that the hairs of my head are numbered.

And help me this coming day to do some work of peace for You.

Ron Stump

2009-03-12T18:20:00.003-05:00

Our dear friend, Ron, went home today. There aren't words to describe the joy we feel that he's not in pain any more or the grief we feel that we won't see him anymore.

Please pray for his wife, Kay, and their children Josh, Caleb, Enoch and Naomi, their daughters-in-law and their grandchildren.

Blog Makeover Giveaway

2009-03-11T16:06:00.002-05:00

I have a super talented friend from high school, Beth, who is starting a blog design business. To get things rolling she's giving 3 blog makeovers away! She's so creative and I just love all the blog designs she's done so far!

So head on over to Scoop and leave a comment and you could win a free blog makeover!!

thoughts

2009-03-09T02:29:00.002-05:00

So, I took a nap today and now I can't sleep. Ugh. The nap felt so good though. My goal now is to resist the temptation to nap tomorrow. Because then a vicious cycle will have begun. And that won't be good for anyone.

We've had a very crazy couple of weeks. It started with me getting sick. Then we threw in a last minute, very quick, much too short trip to Oregon. And at the last minute decided to take the kids. And I was sick the whole time we were there. We came home. I went to the doctor. I have/had bronchitis. I'm on the mend. And I'm afraid Darby's caught it. Ugh.

We went to Portland to say goodbye. Our dear, precious friend and one of Kyle's mentors, Ron Stump, is ending his struggle with cancer. So, we went to be with him. To talk to him. To see him and hear him. To be present with him. To love him. To love his family. To love the church where he's served for decades. I won't lie and say it was a great trip. It was a HARD trip. Ron was so much a part of our time in Oregon. He is the one who encouraged us and wanted us to stay there permanently when it wasn't in our plans. He taught and mentored Kyle in pastoral ministry. Ron shared many outdoors experiences with Kyle- who would rather be on the side of a mountain in Oregon that just about anywhere else. My one and only backpacking experience was on a youth trip that Ron and Kyle led. He and his wife, Kay, have been and are such a stunning and beautiful example of marriage and friendship and partnership. And so it was a HARD and BEAUTIFUL thing to go and be with them. So hard to say goodbye.

I don't understand the way that life works. I don't understand illness and death. They've been too much a part of my experience. But I do know that I wouldn't trade last weekend in Oregon, though it was emotionally exhausting and I was sick the whole time, for anything. I'm so grateful for the time we were able to spend with Ron and Kay. I'm grateful that we were able to let Ron know how much we love him. How beautiful the impact his life has made on us is. I'm so grateful for the time we were able to spend with so many other dear friends whom we love and adore (though it wasn't enough time, it's never enough time).

Please pray for the Stump family. Pray for relief from Ron's pain. Pray for rest. Pray for peace.

Little Boy Blue

2009-02-16T14:36:00.004-06:00

In November my baby boy turned 2. Yes, this is an extremely late birthday post. :)

Sutton has many nicknames. Buddy, Button, Little Man, and Little Boy Blue (his eyes are SO blue) are my favorites! He is the happiest boy on the planet. It doesn't matter where we are, what we are doing or how tired he is, this boy LOVES to laugh. When he's bored he just sits around fake laughing. Then he gets tickled at the fake laughs and starts laughing for real. Which, of course, makes all of us laugh and then he laughs even harder. He'll crack up if you wiggle your eyebrows at him. He giggles when you sneeze. He laughs at Darby all day long. He's just so very, very happy. Even when he's done something he shouldn't and is sitting in time out he smiles the whole time (which begs the question, "Is time out doing the job?" but that's a whole other story! :)

Sutton is also the most curious child. He cannot resist opening any drawer, door or cabinet. He feels the need to climb any and everything. And he loves to jump off of things. He does spend a lot of time in the time out corner because he just can't resist touching things, throwing things or climbing things. He's not willful at all (as his sister was at this age), he's just everlastingly curious. It's a joy to watch.... and exhausting to monitor. :)

Sutton has taken his time learning to talk. But everyday he adds new words. And he's really taken to repeating everything he hears us say. Along with his vocabulary his understanding of emotions has grown. Lately he's very good at telling me when he's mad or angee (angry). Usually this is done at the top of his lungs while hitting the floor. This boy feels everything strongly... when he's happy he is SO happy. And when he's mad he's MAD. When he's hungee (hungry) he needs food NOW. (And the boy can eat, I tell ya.) When he's tired or sleepy he lets us know that too.

Singing is a favorite activity and at just about any point of the day you will hear Sutton singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." He loves to read and to color and play with his cars. He's always asking to roll/throw a ball and would live outside if we would let him.

Sutton's funniest quirk of all is his obsession with vacuums. And when I say obsession, I mean, OBSESSED!!!! If I even mention to Kyle or anyone that I'm going to vacuum Sutton cannot calm down til I get the vacuum out. If the vacuum is out he wants to push it. He has spent countless hours vacuuming up anything he can find with the dustbuster. When we are in Target or Walmart or anywhere vacuums are sold we have to avoid walking past them. Because if you walk by a vacuum display Sutton will scream, "VACUUMS!" and insist on touching them all. He LOVES vacuums! It is mostly hilarious... but when I'm in a hurry at the store or in a hurry to get the house cleaned up it is a hilarious nuisance. :)

We just love our Sutton so much. He makes every day a little happier and every thing is an adventure with him. There just aren't words to describe how adored he is. Happy (VERY late) birthday Sutton!

Oh my....

2009-01-21T20:24:00.003-06:00

Well, it has been a while. A long while. Too long. So much has been going on. Too much. I've needed to update forever. And the more time that has gone by, the more updating I've needed to do and I became overwhelmed. So finally, here I am, blogging again. I've just decided not to catch up. I'm just going to pick up right here and now and start blogging. I will do a post about my Sutton and his 2nd birthday... so watch for that over the next few days.

I've just been in a fog lately. The holidays are a really weird time for me. December is just an up and down month. In December 1996, when I was 15, my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. On December 27, 1997, when I was 16, my mom died. Then on December 15, 2001, Kyle and I got married. I've always loved Christmas and now getting to experience the magic of Christmas thru my kids' eyes I love it even more. It's just too much emotion crammed into too small an amount of time. And this year was harder for me than any year in recent memory. I don't know why. Maybe it is because we lost both of my mom's parents this year. Maybe it is because we moved her body (this may be odd to others, but I find it oddly comforting) from Midland here to the cemetery where her parents are buried. I don't know. But it has been rough.

I find myself coming out of that fog now. And realizing that I've gotten really behind on things. Behind on my house. Behind on the blog. Just behind. So, while I'm not usually a fan of the whole New Year's resolution thing, I'm making just one this year: to catch up. Not to fall so behind so consistently. It's a vague and huge resolution. But I'm committed to it.

I hope someone is still out there. Because I'm back!

a request

2008-11-10T12:52:00.002-06:00

So, I promise that a post with cute Halloween pictures is on the way.... maybe I can do it later this evening while Kyle is studying and the kids are in bed. But for now, I've got something on my mind and on my heart and I thought I'd ask for your prayers and/or advice.

In my previous post I mentioned that I'd love to get my associates' degree in sonography. Well, Kyle and I have been talking about it a lot. And I'm really considering taking pre-reqs during the upcoming spring semester and over the summer. Then maybe I could actually be working on the degree in the fall when Sutton is in pre-school 2 days a week and Darby's in kindergarten 5 days. The thought being that I'd be able to have my degree and be working part-time when Sutton starts elementary school.

I have a lot of concerns/fears about this. I have a pretty hard time staying caught up on things around my house as it is.... school adds a whole new dimension to that. I really don't want to start something new that takes away the quality of time I have with my kids/family. And I haven't been in school in over 6 years... so the thought of starting new is kind of daunting. There are also financial and time concerns.

So, that's where we are. And I'd really appreciate your prayers as we approach this decision. Thanks so much!

Tagged

2008-11-05T21:11:00.002-06:00

So, I need to do a post full of cute Halloween pictures of my kiddos... but I'm too lazy to upload the pics right now. My friend Sarah tagged me and so I'm going to do that instead. Basically I just have to put 7 things about myself. I thought that sounded relatively easy so I'm gonna give it a shot.

#1. I am an insomniac. This unfortunate trait is something I inherited from both of my parents. It takes me FOREVER to fall asleep. When I say forever I mean anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. And when I do finally fall asleep I never stay asleep. I wake up at least once a night. Sometimes I can roll over and go back to sleep within 15 minutes. Sometimes though I have to get up and move around, watch TV or read for a bit. Sadly, sometimes I eat. Not good for my health or my waistline! My insomnia has gotten a little better since I've had kids.... but it's not gone! Oh well.

#2. I absolutely LOVE pregnancy. I love everything about it. I loved being pregnant with my kids. I love it when friends and family members are pregnant. I just LOVE it. I always felt at my best when I was pregnant. It was easier to take care of myself, to eat the way I should, to rest the way I should. And I should mention that when I'm pregnant my insomnia goes away completely. I sleep like a log everynight when I am pregnant. This is something weird about myself, I know that, I won't be offended if you think I am crazy.

#3. I absolutely LOVE labor and delivery. Again, I know this is crazy. Especially when you consider that with my first L&D I was in labor for 25 hours and with my 2nd, 20 hours. And with my first L&D I had pitocin.... which makes those contractions so much more intense! But I still loved it. (And yes, I had epidurals with both of my deliveries, but not until I just really couldn't stand it anymore.) I love just reliving those 45 hours of labor in my head. I love remembering the feeling of my babies being born (I still had some feeling even with the epis.). I love remembering the first time I saw them, held them, smelled them. What amazing times those were! And to go along with this, I love birth stories. It doesn't matter how boring or crazy a birth story is, I love them.

#4. Because of reasons 2 and 3, I would love to be a sonographer someday. There's something so amazing to me about the technology that lets us check on those little ones before they're even born. When our kids are both older and in school I'm thinking about getting my associates' degree in sonography.

#5. I am extremely obsessive/compulsive when it comes to making beds. Especially when putting clean sheets on. I cannot stand it if the fitted sheet isn't smooth as glass and the flat sheet isn't centered on the bed and tucked in tightly and smoothly. Then the comforter/quilt/bedspread has to be centered and smooth. The pillows have to be just so. It's the weirdest thing, really, and quite exhausting. About 6 months into our marriage Kyle refused to help me make the bed anymore. So now, either I make it alone or he makes it alone. It doesn't bother me if someone else has made the bed and it's not "perfect." I just have to do it my O/C way if I'm making it.

#6. I have a terrible sweet tooth. It's really hard for me to go to bed at night if I haven't had dessert. Even if it's just something as small as a Hershey's kiss or something. But I definitely prefer ice cream. While this could be a really bad thing it's also something I cling to a little. Both of my grandpa's had/have a grand love of ice cream. Blue Bell in particular. I have many memories of late night bowls of ice cream with each of my grandpas. So, everytime I'm having my bowl of ice cream (sometimes in the middle of the night when I've woken up and can't go back to sleep) I think of Grandpa Ludy (who I miss everyday) and Grandaddy Chinky (who I don't call nearly as much as I should) and am so grateful for them.

#7. I love words and stories. That sounds funny, I know. But it's the truth. And I think it is this love of words and how you put them together and all the different meanings they can have that has made me such a lover of reading and writing and music. It blows my mind that without written words we wouldn't have any recording of history (which I also LOVE). There would be no scripture. There would be no poetry. Words are how we communicate with each other. The right words can make the sun shine a little brighter. The wrong ones can be catastrophic. If I were able to read all day I would. I'm always writing something in my head, though it rarely ever makes it to paper(computer). And the way that words, when in the form of lyrics and set to music, can move me always surprises me.

Okay, so that's it. Seven extremely random things about me. I won't tag specific people..... if you're reading this: TAG! You're it! Let us know seven things about you!

Oh My!

2008-10-15T22:36:00.004-05:00

Well, yet again I've let a decade go by without posting. I promise, I want to do better. I seem to find plenty of time to read blogs and not a lot of time to post. So, without further delay, here are some pictures for your enjoyment.

We tried something different with Darby's hair one day. I put some mousse in it, scrunched it a lot and then dried it with a diffuser. She has so much curl! I thought it looked pretty cute.

Just a cute picture of the cutest little man anywhere!

We had some great family time at the park recently.

My niece, Simone, came to play with us for the day. Darby was at school but Sutton and I had a great time with her!

Darby's hair has grown so much lately! When I blow-dry it with a round brush it looks so long and pretty! She's pretty excited about it too. She finally loves having her hair done.

We've just been staying busy around here. We went to Kyle's 10 year high school reunion a couple of weekends ago. Darby went on a road trip with Auntie Kara to see family in Lubbock. And Kyle has his 3rd Wilderness Pilgrimage coming up. We're also looking forward to Halloween. Costumes are still up in the air as Darby can't make up her mind what she wants to be. But as soon as we decide I'll let you know and get some pictures up! :)

Hope all are well!

remembering

2008-09-11T14:53:00.002-05:00

I'll never forget where I was 7 years ago today... will anyone?

I overslept that morning. I headed to Kyle's house to see if he wanted to get an early lunch before we went to class. We were 3 months out from our wedding and there was lots to discuss. I didn't listen to the radio, I didn't turn on the TV. While I was waiting for Kyle to finish getting ready Lynsey came in (Robby and Kyle were roommates). She was upset and kept saying something about the World Trade Center being gone and that we'd been attacked. I couldn't seem to get a handle on what she was saying. So, we turned on the TV. And my whole worldview changed. It was about 11:15am.

Within the next several hours Kyle and I both received very painful phone calls. First, my sister called me to tell me that my mom's sister, Jana, wasn't expected to last the rest of the week. She'd been battling very aggressive ovarian cancer for 5 months and the end was in plain sight. I needed to head from Lubbock to San Antonio. Then, Kyle got a call from his mom. There was some concern that Al Marchand, a very dear friend of Kyle's family, was a flight attendant on the second plane to hit the WTC. Within a few hours of that initial call it was confirmed that Al was gone.

I remember crying so much that day. I remember the feelings of confusion. I remember just wanting to hold on so tight to those I loved and NEVER let go. I felt conflicted- I needed to go to San Antonio, I needed to tell my aunt goodbye... but I needed to stay with Kyle, I needed to hold him while he was hurting and needed him to hold me while I was hurting.

I went to SA. With the rest of my family we praised God for my Aunt Jana while we witnessed her last breaths. Kyle went to New Mexico to be with his family. And while I was attending my aunt's funeral Kyle was attending Al's memorial service. It was the weirdest and most life-shaking week.

It's strange really, so much can happen in 7 years, but all I have to do is close my eyes and I'm back there, in Kyle and Robby's living room on 13th street, watching the world fall down around me. What's strange to me is that when I look back on that day, I don't remember feeling fear. I think there was too much pain to be afraid. The very personal things that were going on in my family and Kyle's family kept me from fearing what was happening in the world around me. Am I glad for that? I don't know.

What I do know is that God held me that day. He held us all. He hurt with me and Kyle, He hurt with everyone of us. He looked down on the creation He loves and He cried with us, for us- ALL of us. And the peace I felt 7 years ago, when there was nothing to be peaceful about, fills my heart now as I remember. What a loving Father we have. What an awesome God.

Ponies and School

2008-09-02T14:38:00.004-05:00

Over the long weekend we went to Dallas. We stayed with our friend Chad, saw Rachel and Adam, went shopping for school clothes for Darby and just had an all-around great time!

Darby and Sutton having a snack at Chad's house.

One day we took the kids to this ranch near Chad's house. They have pony rides and a petting zoo. It was very hot but lots of fun. And the kids LOVED it!

Sutton on his pony.

Darby on her pony.

At the petting zoo.

Funny story about the petting zoo: Darby has a tendency to get right up in animals' faces. It's a bad habit that we've been trying to break. She was petting a sheep and getting right in its face to talk to it. I told her that she needed to get out of the sheep's face. She took that to mean, "Move to the side of the sheep but don't back off at all." Well, the sheep wasn't having it. It glanced at Darby, who was squatting beside it and chatting away happily, and head-butted her. She squealed and fell down but wasn't hurt in the slightest. It was SO FUNNY!!!

We had a great time. Chad, I doubt you ever read this, but thanks for having us. It's always good to spend time with you!

Today was Darby's first day of pre-K. She was so excited! She woke up early and took a bath and got dressed in her new outfit- another funny story about that in a minute- and was ready to go! It's just so crazy to me that she's old enough to be in school and that in just one short year I'll have a kindergartener!

Darby in her new outfit with her new backpack and lunchbox, ready to go!

While we were in Dallas, Rachel and I took Darby shopping for some school clothes. We were at Old Navy and found the dress and leggings she's wearing above. Rachel and I both LOVED it. When she was trying it on Darby got it into her head that she hated this dress. She DID NOT want to buy it or wear it ever. She wanted the pink polka-dotted dress (that was too big and much too dressy). She told me, "If you buy that blue dress I won't wear it! If you buy it I won't wear any dress again EVER!!!" Rachel and I, while trying to control our giggles, finally convinced her to try on some other things. And when it was time to check out I just slipped the blue dress in and we didn't talk about it again. So, today rolls around. She agreed to wear the dress without any fuss, which really surprised me. When we got to school she told her teacher, "Do you like my pretty blue dress? I like it okay now but have much prettier dresses at home." That girl just cracks me up!

Playing with silly putty.

Today was Sutton's and my first day to hang out just the two of us. It was so much fun! I'm so excited to have the time while Darby is at school to just really have some quality one-on-one time with my little man. He's just growing so fast and learning so much!

Hope everyone's week got off to a great start!

The Dugan Barbershop/Back to School

2008-08-28T10:37:00.003-05:00

Sutton's hair grows extremely fast. In the last 6 months we've had it cut professionally twice. And we could have done it more often but we just didn't want to take the time or spend the money. So, in between Sutton looked a bit like a ragamuffin. One evening, a month or so ago, Kyle was giving the kids a bath while I was cleaning up from dinner. I was just finishing up the last of the dishes when Sutton came running into the kitchen, completely naked and- in comparison to what he had been before- BALD! (Okay, so his hair was just really, really, REALLY short.) Kyle had decided to cut it himself and hadn't talked to me about it because he thought I would say no. Then, when it was done, he was just afraid I would be mad. Well, I wasn't mad about the haircut, just mad that I didn't get to take before and after pictures. :)

This past Monday we decided it was time for another trim for the Button. And this time I got to take pictures!

Sutton's hair before the trim. Isn't he just the cutest?

At the start.

Almost thru.

Just finishing up the edges. Such a handsome pair of boys!

Darby was starting to feel a little left out of the picture taking. Isn't she just beautiful!!!

So, that's been some of the excitement going on at our house. Also this week Kyle has gone back to school! He so loved his EMT school last fall and has had a strong urge to continue with his medical education ever since. After a lot of prayer and deliberation we decided that he should start taking steps to get his RN. So over the next 2 semesters he will complete all the pre-requisite courses and then next summer will start applying to nursing schools. We had thought that it might cause some complications with his current job, but his employers are super excited about the possibilities this will bring to Immeasurably More (the non-prof Kyle runs) and are extremely supportive. And, next Tuesday, Darby starts pre-kindergarten. She is so very, very excited about it! She has a brand new backpack and lunchbox and can't wait to go "start learning." :) She will go on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It's worked out well as Kyle's classes this semester are on Tuesday and Thursday too. So, he has time to drop her off at school, get to his classes and finish just in time to pick Darby up.

We are headed to Dallas for labor day weekend to see friends and family and finish up our summer. I hope that you all have a great long weekend!!!

Focus

2008-08-08T16:04:00.002-05:00

I have a confession. I fight my laziness. I mean, I really, really struggle with it. I don't just have a tendency towards laziness, I am L-A-Z-Y. It's been my struggle my entire life. I'm just not someone who has a lot of ambition or initiative. And this is something that I do not like about myself. It's just that there's always something more fun or interesting to do than what I am supposed to be or need to be doing. I must have a rebellious streak too, because I can always find something more important to do than what really needs to be done. And it's a problem.

When I was growing up I would be grounded from reading because that's what I would choose to do instead of my chores or my homework. In my marriage it's caused tension because I don't always pull my weight, do my share. And I'm terrified that it's something I will pass on to my kids. And I DO NOT want that.

And this is where being a stay@home mom gets hard for me. Because the "mom" part of it I LOVE. I could play with and take care of my kids non-stop, all day, everyday and be the happiest woman alive. It's the "home" part that gets hard for me. Not the being home but the taking care of my home. I'm not the biggest fan of cleaning- who is?- and when you combine that with my laziness it makes for some problems... and a messy house.

For years I've made chore lists/schedules for myself and been all excited to get my act together. And it's always fallen apart. But lately things have been different, in a really good way. Out of nowhere, motivation has kicked me in the butt. I've managed to actually make a schedule for myself that leaves time for the kids, time for Kyle, time for myself and gets the house taken care of, the laundry clean, folded and put away and the meal planning and grocery shopping done. And the difference it's made in our family has been so nice. The house feels good, I don't feel constantly guilty, Kyle feels less pressure to pick up my slack, the kids (Darby more than Sutton at this point) are learning to do chores and the value of staying on top of things. And I've been tired... but that good kind of tired that comes from having truly accomplished something at the end of the day. Why didn't I figure this out sooner?

Well, I was finally getting into a good groove. I was done catching up with all that I'd let fall behind for such a long time and just into maintenance. And it was exciting! Then, a week ago tomorrow, I got sick. And not just a little sick. I'm talking couldn't keep a thing down, dehydrated, undernourished, flat on my back or in the bathroom sick.... for 5 days!!!! It was absolutely miserable. Kyle was so sweet. He took care of me, he took care of the kids (with some help from the grandparents- thank you Poppa and Nonnie!) and he did his best to keep things caught up around the house. But he was also still working. And there's just no way he could do it all.

So now, I'm in that overwhelmed place again. There's a lot of laundry to be done. There's a lot of housework to be done. We have literally nothing to fix for dinner tonight. And I feel that laziness pulling at me. Telling me to read a book, watch TV, surf blogs, start a game with the kids. I NEED to find my focus again. I need that motivation to come and kick me in the butt again.

Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry. - Proverbs 19:15

Father, help me find my focus!

Threads

2008-07-24T15:31:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately. About decisions. And how every decision, no matter how small, leads to another set of decisions. And these are some of the threads that make up the fabric of life. The other threads are the ones that happen to us. We don't have control over them.... but we do still have decisions. We decide how to react to what happens to us, what the next steps are. All of the these things- our choices, our circumstances- weave together to form the tapestry of our lives.

Do you ever do this? Sit and think about some of the major life decisions you've made- or even some seemingly small ones- and try to see what would have happened if you had decided differently? Or do you look back on major, life-changing/shattering events that you had no control over and wonder what life would look like if those things never happened? What if the threads were a different color? A different width? What if some threads never existed? What would your tapestry look like?

What would have happened if Mom hadn't gotten cancer when I was 15? Died when I was 16? What would have happened if I had stuck with my decision to go to ACU not LCU? What would have happened if I'd said, "No, thanks," when Kyle asked me out on that first date? What would have happened if we'd turned down the youth ministry position in Oregon? What would have happened if we hadn't been surprised by the arrival of Darby? Or Sutton? What would have happened if we hadn't decided to move back to Texas from Oregon after 4 amazing years there?

My tapestry would look different. My life would be amazingly different. Better? Worse? Probably neither. Just different. And the whole thing is just so mind-boggling.

I do know this.... Father is weaving something beautiful with our lives. There are some snags in my tapestry, and I've no doubt that I will add more. But because we are the children of a Father who loves us to distraction- no matter what- those snags become part of the beauty, part of the uniqueness of my tapestry. And I wouldn't change one stitch of it for anything.

Catching Up

2008-07-14T15:32:00.004-05:00

Well, yet again I've gone a while without blogging. Not a lot has been going on around here lately and that's been a nice change of pace. We've just been hanging out at home and enjoying time with friends and family. And we've been roasting! My goodness it's just been SO HOT!!!

After Joel and Cari's wedding we spent a few days out at Lake Travis with some extended family. It was a great time! One day we all loaded up and went swimming at Krause Springs... which is just gorgeous! It was so much fun! My sis-in-law April took a lot of great pictures that I've been meaning to post for a while! Oops! Anyhow, I hope you enjoy!

There was a gorgeous waterfall. Here Kyle is showing Sutton the cave behind the falls.

Darby decided to swim in a lifejacket instead of in floaties. She's a pro in floaties and it took her a while to get confident in the lifejacket. She had a blst though!

The cutest boy in the world sitting in the creek! Isn't he just adorable?!?!?!

Once she felt more confident we couldn't keep up with sweet Darbs, look at that precious face!

Me and the hubby.

Hope everyone out there is enjoying their summer!

Weddings!!!

2008-06-25T17:58:00.003-05:00

In the last 6 1/2 weeks two of my siblings have gotten married. Both weddings were so much fun and just beautiful. Below I've posted pictures from both weddings. If the pics from Rachel and Adam's wedding look more professional, that's because they are! :) Hope you enjoy!

Adam and Rachel- 5.10.08

2008-06-25T17:21:00.006-05:00

Adam and Rachel were married just over 6 weeks ago. It was a great week leading up to the wedding and the wedding day itself could not have gone better!! (Though it could have been cooler and I don't think anyone would have complained. :)

Jessica and Casey did a fabulous job keeping everyone organized and in the right place.

Me, Rachie and Padre.

I love it that Kyle and Adam have bee friends since junior high and ended up marrying sisters. I love it that Adam and I have been friends since high school and now he's my brother-in-law. And I LOVE this picture of the 4 of us.

SISTERS!!

The whole family... yes, our family is huge.

TOO CUTE!!! Darby loves Adam more than just about anyone.

Cute Sutton!

Cousins! Haylie, Meredith, Rachie, me and Rochelle.

Darby and her besties, Emma and Sophia McCormick.

Rachel and Grandma Massie, just a week before she passed away.

Father/Daughter Dance... how cute is my dad?!

Beautiful picture of a beautiful couple.

What fun!

Joel and Cari- 6.22.08

2008-06-25T16:49:00.006-05:00

Joel and Cari's wedding was gorgeous and so much fun!!!! It was bittersweet for our family as it was the last wedding we'll have for quite some time (Darby better not be getting married anytime soon! :)

Darby getting her hair done.

Cari and the girls all getting ready.

April and her flowergirl-nieces, Madison and Darby.

The ceremony with Lake Travis as a backdrop.

Darby was pouting for some reason and I thought that taking her picture would make her smile... guess not! :)

But taking a picture with Maddie made her happier.

Darby loves her Daddy!

Dad and Karen.... so cute!

Meredith, Rachel and me.

Sutton watching the dancing with Poppa.

Territory Trail.... SWITCH! :):):)

Sutton loves to dance with Simone.

Darby and Maddie making a Sutton sandwich.

The happy- and gorgeous!- couple, Joel and Cari.

The Fenter/Goudeau girls- minus Cari, she was dancing: Rachel, me, April and Jessica.

Aren't they so cute?! My oldest brother, Jonathan, and his wife, Jessica.

Sisters!!! So excited to have Cari join our little group!

Me and and my man!

Sweet Darby was soooooo tired. When we got home she walked in to the house, laid down in the entryway and went to sleep. I couldn't resist the photo op. I edited it a little to make it look antique.

It was a great day!

Rollercoaster...

2008-06-05T22:48:00.002-05:00

That's what we've been on these past 5 weeks. I don't know that there are words to describe the myriad of emotions I've felt and am feeling or the exhaustion that's threatening to consume me.

Joy. That's where this ride started. I watched my sweet sister marry one of my dearest friends and I was overcome with joy. I was able to spend almost a week with some of my best friends who I'm lucky to see once a year... joy. There was sadness interwoven with my joy. My heart hurt for Rachel because I know what it feels like to get married without Mom there. And my heart hurt for me because I wanted Mom there. There was fatigue interwoven, because planning and executing weddings is a lot of work. However, at the end of the day on May 10th I was overwhelmed and energized by joy. It was so much fun!

Shock, grief. One week and one day after the wedding my sweet Grandma died. It was sudden- at Adam and Rachel's wedding she'd been radiant with happiness and was doing better than she had in a while. And then, she was gone. We received a call that she was in the hospital. She'd had some kind of attack, had been blue from lack of oxygen, her heart had stopped. They'd gotten her heart beating again but she couldn't breathe on her own and she wasn't conscious. Her blood pressure was desperately low while her heart rate was much too high. Chances of her waking up again we slim to none. After hours and hours at the hospital that Sunday her organs started failing. The decision was made to turn off the machines. Take out the tubes. Say goodbye. After the ventilator was turned off and the tubes and IVs removed we all sat with her. We talked to her. We told each other stories about her. We laughed and we cried. For 3 hours she remained somewhat stable. And then, just as our laughter was reaching a crescendo, her vitals all plummeted. Her heart stopped beating. She stopped breathing. Meda Rose Massie was gone. And I felt like I'd had the wind knocked out of me. My mother's mother, the woman who gave birth to the woman who birthed me, was dead. My grandma, who was hilarious and loud and sweet and abrasive (at times), the woman who had more life oozing out of her pores than anyone I've even known, was gone. The line of women that I come from was gone. It didn't, and still doesn't feel real. To add to the hurt was the fact that now my precious Grandpa was alone. Alone with failing health in a nursing home. And not completely able to understand or remember that Grandma was gone. You could tell him that she was gone, that we were planning the funeral and the next day he would ask where she was. 65 years they were together and now there was just Grandpa. It was heartbreaking.

5 days after her death, we had Grandma's funeral. And it was so nice to be together as a family, all the aunts, uncles and cousins. All the great-aunts and great-uncles and 2nd and 3rd cousins. It was fun being together. It was good to see each other. And it was so hard to say goodbye. And, the night before the funeral, Grandpa was taken to the hospital with an infection. He wasn't able to come to funeral. He was never able to say goodbye.

Joy, again. The day after Grandma's funeral we had Darby's 4th birthday party. We celebrated her vibrant, beautiful life. We laughed with her and we played with her and we gave her gifts that made her eyes light up and her jaw drop. And we had fun... it was like aloe on a searing burn.

Sadness... again. The night of the party, Grandpa was released from the hospital into hospice care. He was being made comfortable, he wasn't in pain... but nothing would be done to prolong his life. A waiting game began. And then came the numbness. It hurt too much to feel... so I just shut down. I tried not to think. Tried to get lost in my everyday activities, to get lost in my kids. Tried not to think about losing Grandpa too.

Just 12 days after Grandma went home, Grandpa followed her. His lungs were too full of fluid, he just couldn't breathe anymore. And just like that, my mom's parents were gone. The minute-by-minute rollercoaster of numbness and knee-buckling grief began. And I've ridden it for the last week.

Today, we had my Grandpa Ludy's funeral. The family was all back again. And the joy of being together, of laughing together returned. And the difficulty of saying good bye returned too. We had a double-burial after Grandpa's service. I hope never to sit and look at 2 caskets side by side again. However, while that was so hard for me, and all the family, to lose them both at essentially the same time, it was beautiful too. Beautiful to know that, to the end, Grandpa was taking care of Grandma. To know that when he knew she was safe in heaven he could go too. To know that they are up there with my mom and Aunt Jana and Neal, and they're waiting for us. And so there was peace. Peace laced with tears.

In 17 days my youngest brother, Joel, is marrying an awesome girl, Cari. And we will celebrate a new beginning. And we will have joy in their union, in Cari's joining our family and in being together. And hopefully, this crazy rollercoaster we call life will slow down some. I don't know that I can handle much more of the neck-breaking pace we've been at for these past weeks.

I hope I haven't been too morose. I just needed to let it all out, to process. My greatest outlet has always been thru written words. I appreciate your bearing with me and your prayers.

Grandpa Ludy Massie

2008-05-30T23:50:00.000-05:00

Today we lost my maternal grandfather, Ludy Massie. He has been in failing health for the last decade. And for the last 3 years every day has been a blessing we weren't expecting. The only shock in all of it is that he outlived Grandma... she hasn't even been gone 2 weeks.

Grandpa was the sweetest man I've met in my life. He was a quiet man who spoke rarely. But when he did speak his words had so much meaning, so much depth and so much wise counsel. He loved to read his Bible, take walks and sing. He was a patient and forgiving man. He was faithful and loving. And I miss him so much already.

The funeral is being planned for this coming Thursday. Again, we beg your prayers.

Darby is 4!!!!

2008-05-28T15:10:00.000-05:00

My baby girl is 4 today!!! Isn't that just unbelievable?! These past 4 years have just flown by. It's amazing to me that it's only been 4 years since I first met this amazing little lady at the same time I can't wrap my mind around the fact she's this grown up already.

Darby Gail is the most amazing little person. While she'll always be my baby, over the last year Darby has definitely established the fact that she is not a baby anymore. She has learned so much and grown so much. She is starting to understand such grown up things, like what compassion is and how to help others. She's such an encourager- she loves to tell people how pretty they are and to tell people what they are good at. She has an optimistic streak that makes me smile. The other day Sutton got food all over his shirt and I was telling him what a mess he had made of his clothes. Darby jumped in with this observation, "But Mama, Sutton sure does look handsome in that shirt, doesn't he?" While this made me laugh uncontrollably it was also such a clear glimpse into the beautiful heart of my little girl. She just wants everyone to feel good about themselves all the time. What an awesome trait in someone so young! Whenever I've made a meal for her, Darby will always tell me how good it tastes and that I am such a great "cooker." She's learning the value of gratitude and it makes me so proud of her.

Darby has the most fun personality. She's playful and silly. And she has learned in a big way what "make believe" is. She LOVES to pretend that she's a horse or a lion or a puppy (dalmatians are her current favorite). When she's not an animal of some sort, Darby is a princess, wearing one of her dress-up outfits (or any dress at all will do, really). And she always wants to include her brother in her play. If she's a horse, Sutton is a cowboy. If she's a lion, Sutton is a baby lion. If she's a princess, Sutton is a prince. I should mention, Sutton doesn't always want to play these games, but he tolerates her pretty well. :) Darby is a sponge who soaks up every word she hears (scary for Mama and Daddy sometimes!) and remembers EVERYTHING! She loves to watch movies and has quite the arsenal of movie quotes stored up in her brain for all occasions. It's hilarious. My favorite example of her spongelike memory: One night Darby and I were saying bedtime prayers. Darby was praying and I was listening. She thanked God for just about everything you can think of from toys to grass to a stove to cook dinner on. It was very sweet. And then came this, "And dear God, thank you that if my daddy gets allergies he can just take Zyrtec and they will go away. Amen." I was DYING!!! It was so funny! And the best part is that Kyle doesn't take Zyrtec, never has. She got that from hearing a commercial at some point. Too funny!

Darby loves music and dancing. She's always singing or humming and has recently learned to whistle. Kyle is always whistling and Darby just picked it up. I used to be able to tell when Kyle was coming into a room because of his whistle. Now I never know if it's Kyle or Darby. It's pretty cute. And the dancing! Oh my goodness. Darby LOVES to dance. She dances to the music on her shows/movies. She dances to her own singing. And she loves more than anything else to dance along with her favorite show "Dancing with the Stars." Every Monday she puts on one of her several sparkly tutus or princess dresses and dances along with the show. It's one of the cutest things I have ever seen. We play Rockband with our friends a lot on the weekends and I think everyone would agree that one of the best parts of all of it is Darby dancing along. She's very serious about it and wants everyone to know it! What a precious girl!

Darby loves her daddy to death and wants always to be with him. Every morning she asks if he has to work and how long. Then come the questions about what they will do together when he is done working. It is adorable. And one of Darby's favorite things to do with Kyle is work in the garden. Every evening she helps to water the flowers and the herbs and tomatoes. She's learning how to pull weeds and knows the difference in all the plants. She's become quite the outdoorswoman and can tell you the names of several plants and birds and insects. Have I mentioned how very, very smart she is?

We had a birthday party for Darbs this past Saturday at a city park with a sprinkler park. It was so much fun and Darby got a lot of great presents.

Darby modeling her Ariel sunglasses from Uncle Joel and Aunt Cari.

Tasting the icing on her cake.

Playing with Sutton in the sprinklers.

Cutest boy in the world!

Checking out her cute pink helmet to go with her new Disney Princesses bike.

It was a great party and we had so much fun celebrating such a wonderful little girl!

We've had the most amazing 4 years with our little princess. And I can't wait to see what else is in store! Darby, Mama and Daddy and Sutton Button love you so much and are so glad that you are in our family! We wish you the happiest birthday ever!

Grandma Massie

2008-05-18T23:38:00.002-05:00

My maternal grandmother, Rose Massie, passed away today. She was 84 years old. She went peacefully in her sleep, surrounded by her children and grandchildren.

Grandma lead an amazing life, raised 5 awesome kids and was a hilarious and loving grandmother and great-grandmother. She was one of the strongest people I have ever known or will ever know. She was a force of nature and quite the character. On June 23rd of this year she and my grandpa would have celebrated 65 years of marriage. This world would have been a much uglier and more boring place had Rose Massie never entered it. She is very, very loved and will be very, very missed.

The funeral is being planned for this Friday. The Massie family would greatly appreciate your prayers.

a lot of catching up to do!

2008-05-12T14:40:00.005-05:00

So it has been forever!!! Things have just been crazy-busy around here lately. So much happening and so little time to update the good ole blog. The biggest and best thing that's happened is that my little sister, Rachel, and my dear friend, Adam Crawford, got married on May 10. It was an awesome wedding and we are just so excited for both of them! I don't have any pictures from the wedding on my camera but just as soon as I get some I will post them! So, for now, I'll just do a quick picture update.

Sutton had his first haircut about a month ago. He wasn't sure about it at all. But he did so well and his hair looks great! I have better "before" pictures but blogger won't let me upload them right now.

Sutton and Simone eating dinner just before Adam and Rachie's wedding.

Darby getting her first pedicure with all the bridesmaids the day before the wedding.

Darby and Rachie getting their nails done together.

So many of our dear friends came down for the wedding... it was SO MUCH FUN! Here I am with Lynsey Lou (and her sweet unborn baby!).

(L to R)Me, Kyle, Robby Wells, Chris Davis holding Sutton, Lynsey Wells holding Darby, Brynn and Kent Mereness.

Darby loves Chris!

I'm determined to be better at posting frequently. I've said it before, but I'll say it again.... is anyone still out there?

Cousins' Weekend 2008

2008-03-20T21:11:00.004-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I was so blessed to get to spend a weekend with my sister, Rachel, my cousins, Meredith and Rochelle, and my Aunt Jeanie. We met at Rochelle's house in Odessa. Oh my gosh, we had so much fun!!! We ate good food, drank good drinks and talked and talked and talked. We laughed so much and cried some too. We even got massages and went shopping! It was all around a fantastic weekend. In my opinion it's something we MUST do every year!

One of my favorite parts of the whole weekend was our completely random photo shoot. We had some time to kill before our massages and so we took pictures! And yes, we are all wearing matching sweaters... because we are just cool like that! :)

Going clockwise: Rachel, Rochelle, Aunt Jeanie, Marta and Meredith

crazy picture- Meredith totally startled me and that's why I'm laughing so hard

You should have seen us getting in the tree- too funny!

this is our random, "artsy" pic

me and Mere- she and her husband live just 8 houses down the street from us and I'm so glad to have her so close and get to spend so much time together!

me and Rachie- only 56 days til she marries Adam!

Rochelle and her little girl, Sidney, at Stone Henge- yes, Odessa has its own Stone Henge!

All of us minus Aunt Jeanie (she was playing photographer) at Stone Henge the last day.

Girls, it was just too much fun! I love you all so much and am so blessed to have you as my family and my friends! Can't wait to do it again!

A fun date

2008-02-28T21:42:00.003-06:00

Kyle and I had an interesting and different date this morning. We got up early, grabbed some Starbucks and went downtown to hear Barack Obama speak. I've never been political on this blog and I don't intend to start now. Let's just say that we're fans of Senator Obama and have been for several years now. And we were super excited to be able to go and hear him speak. It was a "town hall discussion" so it was a smaller venue- only 2000 people- and was a bit tamer than some of the rallies you see on TV. We got there pretty early so we were able to get really good seats. We were only about 7 rows from the stage, probably about 25 feet from where he stood. It was really cool to be so close and to hear him speak in person. I'm not gonna lie, he didn't say anything that you all haven't heard him say in a commercial, a debate or any of the news coverage. He did go into more detail about his economic plan and there was a Q&A session. He's a very compelling speaker though and it was fun to be in a room with such electric energy and excitement. Okay, enough gab... time for pictures!

Standing in line- can you tell we're sleepy? We got in line at 7am, the doors opened at 7:30 and the event didn't start til 9:30. Some people had been out there since 3:30am!!!

The seating behind the stage- these were all the people you could see behind him on TV. We thought about going up there but didn't want to look at the back of his head the whole time.

When he first started speaking.

Here he was answering the question of a 9-yr-old girl who was sitting about 2 rows in front of us. She asked if she could ask 2 questions. Her first question: will you sign my book? Everyone laughed really loud. :) I think it looks like he was looking right at us in this pic.

This was as he was leaving and shaking hands with people. We didn't even attempt to get that close. People were crowded 3 or 4 deep to shake his hand. We just stood on the chairs right behind them to try and get a good picture. This is really the best we got and I think it's pretty funny! :)

Afterwards Kyle and I walked around downtown a bit and then ate lunch at an Irish pub. It was an awesome morning and so fun! Thanks to Kara for watching the kids!

Hope all are well!

some fun pictures

2008-02-24T03:38:00.008-06:00

We've had a very busy couple of weeks. There's been too much to really catch you up so I thought I'd just do it with some pictures. Hope you enjoy!

Krista, Connie, Kara and I at Grandpa Dugan's funeral

The Dugan cousins, minus 3. Tim, David and Tracy... you were so very missed! We love you guys!

The kids and I try to go to the park several times a week. Last week I remembered the camera!

Today our whole little family- including Mija!- went hiking at the San Gabriel River here near Cedar Park. It was an absolutely wonderful way to spend the afternoon as a family.

Hope everyone is doing well! I'm looking forward to having my sister in town next weekend and then having an awesome cousin's weekend in Odessa the next weekend. Lots of fun pictures to come I'm sure!

My Makeover!

2008-02-20T18:16:00.003-06:00

My blog has a whole new look! Don't you just love it?! I do!

This was my anniversary/Christmas present from Kyle... it just took me a while to get around to having it done and then, the designer I used is so good that I had to wait on a list for just a tiny bit. And, boy, was it worth it!

If you want an AWESOME blog makeover that doesn't cost a ton just go see Jennisa and she will hook you up!

I'm hoping to get on again later tonight and put up some pictures. Hope all are well!

Charles J. Dugan

2008-02-03T17:13:00.000-06:00

We were sad to learn that Kyle's grandpa, Chuck Dugan, died yesterday. He was 86 years old. Grandpa Dugan was a fascinating man with an amazing story. He was funny, loved a joke and told great stories. He was a risk taker and adventurer. All traits he handed down to Kyle's dad, Mark, and to Kyle. While his death doesn't come as a surprise- Grandpa Dugan's been in failing health for quite some time- it has thrown us a bit.

The funeral is being planned for this coming Friday. Your prayers are greatly appreciated.

Yikes! It's been forever!

2008-01-29T16:29:00.001-06:00

Wow! It has taken me a while to get around to posting! We had a great Christmas and New Year's and we've just been busy with life! Things have been great and we couldn't be happier. Darby and Sutton are doing so well. Darby just gets smarter and smarter everyday and Sutton is getting closer and closer to saying real words. They are just too sweet!

Here are some pictures for you to enjoy!

Darby in the car on the way to NM for Christmas.

Sleeping Sutton on the way to NM

We can finally get Darby's hair in pigtails, she doesn't like it much so we don't do it often. I love it though! Here she is out hiking in NM with her Daddy.

Sutton was running a fever and not feeling too well on Christmas Day. His little face in this pic says it all.

Darby hurt her wrist while we were in Lubbock on the way home from NM. It wasn't that bad at all but she still wanted Kyle to fix it. He made her a makeshift splint out of dishtowels and wrap. Her face in this pic just makes me laugh.

Sutton, Darby and Simone at HEB Plus while we were ordering flowers for Rachie's wedding.

This is Sutton's favorite face right now. He makes it all the time and we just die laughing every time. Here he is at Poppa & Nonnie's for Christmas with my family in January.

Cute picture of the men in my life. :)

Kara came over and spent the night one night so Kyle and I could run some errands early the next morning. By the time we got back Sutton was already down for his morning nap and we found Darby and Kara hanging out on the couch. When Sutton woke up Kyle and I thought it was the perfect photo op! :) Mija likes Kara better than us now, by the way. :)

I'll try to be better about posting. Hope there's still someone out there reading! :)

Six Years!!!

2007-12-12T16:42:00.000-06:00

Kyle and I will have been married 6 years on Saturday, Dec. 15! Isn't that just crazy?! It's been an amazing 6 years of marriage (on Valentines Day it will have been 8 years that we've been together!). Already, in what is a relatively short amount of time, we have experienced so much together. 2 cross-country moves, buying and selling houses, job changes, school changes, births of children, deaths of friends and family members. We've laughed SO MUCH and we've shed plenty of tears- me a lot more than Kyle. :) There are days where loving each other comes so easy and then there are days when loving each other is more a choice, a decision made with effort than a feeling that just erupts. But whether we're laughing together or fighting each other we fit. We just fit together. And it's such an amazing feeling and true blessing to have that.

Kyle is an amazing husband and my best friend. He makes me laugh more than any person I've ever met. And it can be so annoying because even when I'm SOOOOO mad at him he can crack a joke and have me rolling with laughter. It's so hard to stay mad at that man! :) Kyle has been my biggest encourager when I'm down, he's held me thru some of life's biggest storms, he's got the best shoulder for crying on. I'm so glad that Kyle is willing to call me on things when I'm wrong and that he's so willing to admit when he's been wrong (I am soooo bad at that!) And that when I finally get around to saying I'm sorry he forgives readily and completely. He's had an infinite amount of patience with me and puts up with more from me than he should have to. He has a passion for learning that is astounding. And a passion for our Father that just takes my breath sometimes. I've never in my life met someone who is so passionate about having a true relationship with Father as Kyle is. Thru Kyle I've seen a picture of God that I would never have seen on my own. It's a picture of a Father who loves me totally and without expectation. Kyle is the best dad any kids could ask for. He loves Darby and Sutton with such utter abandon that it'll melt your heart. And they love him so much that their little faces just light up when he walks into the room. I've truly been blessed with an amazing man as my husband. I'm so grateful for his love and his friendship.

So, I wanted to put a few pictures of us thru the years... and I couldn't narrow it down so I just put 'em all!:)

Kyle and I @ banquet, May 2000

December 2000

January 2001

December 15, 2001

Multnomah Falls, OR- my first trip to Oregon, March 2002

Ecola State Park, Oregon Coast, July 2002

Summer 2002

Bridal Veil Falls, Columbia River Gorge, OR- August 2002

Alaskan Cruise, August, 2003

Ensenada, Baja California, July 2007

Lost Lake, Oregon, July 2007

Seth and Amy Patterson's wedding, July 28, 2007

Happy Anniversary Kyle! It's been an awesome 6 years and I can't wait to see what the next 60 hold! I love you so very much!

Happy Birthday Sutton!!!

2007-11-26T12:21:00.001-06:00

Sutton had his first birthday on November 16. I got pretty sick that weekend and then Thanksgiving hit so I am just now getting to his birthday post.

Sutton is an adorable and hilarious little boy. He's such a chatterbox and talks all the time. It really sounds like he's talking in sentences but is just jibberish. He does call everything "Daddy." It's pretty funny. He loves to growl like a bear. He still eats just about anything we give to him. We're officially done with baby food and formula and are soooooo glad. He started walking about a week before his birthday and has really just taken off! We've definitely reached the point where he prefers walking to crawling. In fact, he loves to walk so much that's pretty much all he does. He spends the day just walking around the house. If I walked that much I'd be pretty darn skinny! :) He is all boy and is as rough and tumble as they come. He hits everything, tears up everything and dives off of everything. He has absolutely no fear AT ALL! In the last few days he's started attempting to climb on the furniture. He loves to tackle Darby and his cousin Simone (who's just a few weeks younger than him). He'll hit you in the face and then laugh when you say "Ouch!" He has an uncanny knack for finding the cabinet where the cleaning supplies are in ANY house and then trying to drink/eat them. (Thank you Grandpa Shelton for babyproofing our cabinets last week!) He loves to drink out of sippy cups but he prefers to steal Darby's and drink out of hers if he can. Which, as you might imagine, she just loves. :) It's been so fun to watch him learn how to play with Darby. They play peekaboo and chase each other around the house. They laugh and laugh at each other all day long and it's just the sweetest thing. Sutton had his 12 month checkup a week ago today and Dr. Brooke says that he's doing extremely well. When Sutton was born he weighed 7 lbs. 11 oz. and was 19 inches long. At one year he now weighs 21 lbs. 14 oz. and is 30 inches long. He is a big boy! He's got the chubbiest little legs and a little buddha belly which is the cutest thing ever! We just love our little man!!

We had his party on Nov. 15. It was a lot of fun. A lot of people came, we ate some good food, laughed a lot and just celebrated wonderful Sutton!

Sutton got a lot of cars for his birthday!

Isn't he just too cute?!

Sutton was trying to share with Morgandy- he was a bit too rough though and made her sad :(

My brother Jonathan and my niece Simone.

Kyle and Sutton- don't know why but I love this picture!

Adam McCormick holding Brodee Johnson.

Sutton loves his new cars!

Sweet Sophie.

We're so glad that Josh, Neena and Brodee are here!

My sweet niece Simone. Aren't her eyes stunning?!

Meredith and me.

Darby and Emma being cuties!

Helping Aunt Jessica open the toy cars.

Sutton is a walking man now!

Blowing out the candle.

Sutton enjoying his cake.

Happy Birthday Sutton Button! We love you!

In other news, we had a great Thanksgiving. We hung out with my family here in town. It was too much fun and we ate way too much food. And we did a lot of wedding stuff with Rachie. Too fun! Also, Kyle's sister, Kara, moved to Austin last week. We are so excited to have her so close and are looking forward to hanging out with her a lot.

Hope everyone out there had a great Thanksgiving! I can't believe it's almost December already! Time is just going by too fast!

Our late night adventure

2007-11-10T00:24:00.000-06:00

Tonight, after we got the kids in bed, Kyle and I were watching "Transformers." We were on a part in the movie where there were lots of explosions and loud noises. There was a loud bang that sounded very much like it came from our home. Then we heard Darby crying. Darby's only fallen off the bed a few times and never have we heard the actual sound of her hitting the ground, just the crying that follows. So we knew it was a pretty good fall. I ran to her room- hoping to calm her before the crying woke Sutton- and found her lying on the floor at the foot of her bed. She had fallen asleep, as she often does, with her head at the foot of the bed, closest to the door so she could hear what Kyle and I were doing. When I got to her she wasn't crying too hard, just wimpering really, and was not all the way awake. I noticed as I laid her down on her pillow that her hair was bit wet but thought she was just a bit sweaty- she's always hot and the 1st place she starts sweating is her head. I was trying to calm her when Kyle came in. He said, "Marta, look at the back of her head, I think she might be bleeding." He'd noticed that there were red spots on the carpet where she'd fallen. Sure enough, her head was bleeding pretty good. We think she must have hit it on the corner of the foot of her dresser. By the time we were getting a good look at her head she was fully awake and aware and PANICKING. Thank goodness for Kyle's recent EMT training. I was so impressed with how calm he stayed and how efficiently he handled the situation. He got out the first aid kit and went to work. Sweet Darby, she was just crying and crying and crying. We got her cleaned up enough for Kyle to get a good look at the cut and determine that she wouldn't need stitches. Then it was just a matter of getting it to stop bleeding... and head wounds just bleed and bleed. And she was still just crying so hard and saying over and over that it hurt. Poor girl. She was really very cute. Kyle went to the kitchen to get her some Tylenol and she said, "I need my daddy, too. I need my mama and my daddy both together with me." At another point while Kyle was still applying pressure to get it to stop bleeding she cried, "Daddy, why is it taking so long?" And she kept saying, "I can't stop crying, I just can't help it." We finally got her to calm down enough she wasn't hyperventilating anymore, got the blood off her face and hands and distracted her. As I speak she's in the living room watching "Meet the Robinsons" with Kyle. We've got her all bandaged up and it looks so funny/cute. There was no way to put a Band-Aid on it with her hair so she's wrapped in gauze. She was so brave and such a good sport and Kyle got to use his newly acquired skills. And Sutton never did wake up. What an adventure!

It hurts but it's nothing a purple dum-dum and some water won't fix!

Enjoying her movie...

... and again.

Belated Halloween Pics

2007-11-07T16:56:00.001-06:00

The night before Halloween the kids and I went with my sister-in-law, Jessica, and my niece, Simone, to take pictures at the pumpkin patch. We had a lot of fun and had a lot of laughs.

Here's Darby and Sutton being adorable! Aren't they just the sweetest?

All 3 kiddos. Darby was Cinderella, Sutton was a chicken and Simone was an octopus.

This picture just makes me laugh... Sutton and Simone are only 3 1/2 weeks apart in age.

Pretty girl, on Halloween she decided she'd rather be Tinkerbell- we had both dresses already- didn't get any pics of that though as my camera battery was dead.

The cutest chicken ever! He hated this costume but we still got some cute pictures!

For your viewing pleasure...

2007-10-30T15:48:00.000-05:00

So, here are some pictures from our time in Wyoming/Yellowstone. I don't know why some of the pictures are sideways! Hope you enjoy! My sister-in-law and I are taking Darby, Sutton and Simone to take pictures in the pumpkins in just a little bit. Hopefully I'll get those pictures up before I go see my sister in Dallas this weekend. YAY for a kid-free sisters weekend!

Kyle and Darby with their snowman.

The llamas in the snow.

We got Sutton this cool new backpack- he loves it and it's super comfortable.

A huge bull elk that was right off the road.

A buffalo that was walking right outside my car window.

Our cute little outdoorsy family.

Darby being precious.

My cute husband looking like he belongs in an outdoors magazine.

A geyser near the Fountain Paint Pots.

Sutton in his cute new hat.

Darby with 2 of her bestest friends, Gracie and Ellie.

Our dear friends the Laffertys.

It's been too long...

2007-10-26T22:18:00.001-05:00

and it may be a while longer.

We're home finally! We've been back in Austin 4 days now- and Kyle's already back in Dallas. Things are never calm for long around here. We had a great month in Lander, WY and a great time with the Laffertys in Yellowstone. After what felt like endless days of driving we arrived in Dallas where we spent some time with Kyle's cousin, Jerrod (see previous post). We got home last Monday.

I've got some great pictures from our trip to post- and will try to get that done over the weekend- but I'm TIRED tonite! Still not all caught up from the trip I guess. Did have some news to report though:

First off, Jerrod's doing very well. The tumor was not malignant, they were able to remove all of it and he will require no chemo or radiation. PRAISE THE LORD! This is excellent news! He's still in Dallas doing rehab to regain his speech (it's a tiny bit slurred, but getting better all the time) and all of his physical abilities like balance and walking, etc. For more detailed, and accurate I'm sure, news and updates on Jerrod feel free to visit the website they've set up for him www.jerrodshelton.com.

Since we left for Lander 2 of my sibling have gotten engaged!! There will be no single sibs left on my side of the family- that's kinda weird! My sister, Rachel, and Adam Crawford are engaged and will be getting married May 10. My brother, Joel Goudeau, and Cari Billingsley are engaged and will be getting married June 22. We are all so very excited! Adam and Cari, we love you two and are so excited to have you in our family!!!

I'll try to get some pictures of our trip up soon....

Jerrod Shelton

2007-10-05T16:31:00.001-05:00

We learned this week that Kyle's cousin, Jerrod Shelton, has a brain tumor. Jerrod and his immediate family and most of the extended family are in Plano now meeting with doctors and running tests. Jerrod has had a shunt placed to help relieve the pressure in his brain and is good spirits. They are waiting on test results to decide what the next steps are. He's only 19.

We covet your prayers. Please pray for Jerrod's health and his spirits. Pray that the tumor is not malignant and that treatment will be minimally invasive. Pray for his parents, Jerry and Carla, as they deal with a child who is very ill. Pray for his sister, Carly. And for all of Jerrod's extended family.

Jerrod is an awesome guy. One of the best I know. And it's just so hard to believe that this is happening.

And, on a selfish note, say a prayer for us. It's really hard- especially for Kyle- to be so far away while this is happening. Pray that Kyle will still be able to focus on his coursework and finish out well. He's entering the hardest and last week of school- he needs to finish well so that we can get to Texas and be with family with no regrets!

Thanks so much. As I get updates I'll post them.

Banilla the llama

2007-09-30T17:16:00.000-05:00

I'm finally getting around to putting some new pictures up. Sorry it's taken so long!

Here's Darby feeding the brown llama. We haven't learned her name yet.

Darby and Vanilla, or Banilla as Darby calls her. She's Darby's most favorite llama.

All the female llamas.

The view down the canyon from the ranch.

Things have been going very well. Kyle's still loving his classes. It's a really intensive course. He has 2 tests every week and take-home tests over the weekends. Monday, Wednesday and Friday he's gone 8-5. On Tuesday and Thursday from 8am-10pm. And he studies every spare moment. It's paying off though... he's getting fantastic grades! He had his first clinical in the ER yesterday. He and Ed (Kyle's friend and fellow student) saw about 25 patients between the 2 of them. They were very excited about it as last weekend the students who had clinicals only saw about 6 patients between the 2 of them. Ed came back to our cabin with Kyle for dinner and to work on their take-home test. We really enjoyed having him. He just retired 2 months ago and is just taking this course for fun. Darby loved him! She had to go to bed before he left and when she woke up this morning she said, "Where's Daddy's friend, Mr. Ed?" Too cute!

The kids are doing very well. Sutton's learned to climb the stairs and open the kitchen cabinets. So, we've had to improvise in baby-proofing. Bungee cords to keep the cabinets closed and chairs blocking the stairway. Sutton's also cutting THREE teeth right now. He already had one bottom tooth and right now he's cutting the other bottom one and both top ones. By the time we go home he'll have 4 whole teeth! He's handling it pretty well- just slightly fussier in the evenings and a little clingier than usual over all. Darby's still just having the time of her life being here and just cracks us up all day long. She's had a slight obsession with Indians/Native Americans since we've been here. Kyle taught her about arrowheads the other day and since then she's constantly talking about how the Indians come down out of the mountains to get rocks from our yard to make arrows. She tells me at least eight times a day that she wants to be Pocahontas for Halloween. On Friday night we had dinner with some of Kyle's friends/classmates who used to be in the military. One of them was saying he didn't like Indian (as in India Indian) food because he had some bad experiences when he was in India with the military. He said something along the lines of having flashbacks of Indians shooting at him whenever he tries to eat Indian food. Darby interrupted him and said, "No, no, no!!! We like Indians they are very nice!!!" Later she said something about the Indians being very sad when the white men took their land away. (Did I mention that Pocahontas is her favorite movie?) Anyhow, we all just about died we were laughing so hard. She's too funny!

That's about all we've had going on. We only have 2 weeks left here. Next Saturday Kyle has clinicals again and then the next Saturday we head to Yellowstone! The time seems to be going pretty quickly. I hope to update at least once more before we head out. I need to get some pictures of the cabin on here... but I need to clean it first! :) It's so small that it gets VERY messy VERY fast!

Hope all are doing well!

Greetings from Llama-land!!!

2007-09-19T23:43:00.000-05:00

Here's my sweeties! Aren't they precious?!

We are having a great time here in Wyoming. Our trip up was fantastic. The kids did so well it was amazing. Darby has a portable DVD player that we usually take on long road trips. Well, on this trip it decided to die. So, sweet lil Darbs had no movies for the entire 3 day drive. And you know what? She didn't complain one time. She talked with us, she played peekaboo with Sutton, she slept, she stared out the window. She made us so proud. That's impressive for a 3 year old!

Our cabin/cottage is really nice. It's nicer than we were expecting actually. The ranch is in a beautiful canyon surrounded by red bluffs. The weather has been great and we've just been enjoying ourselves. As was expected, there are some difficulties having 2 small kids in such a small space. All four of us are sleeping in one room. That means that Kyle has to work super-hard to be quiet when he gets up to leave for school in the mornings or both kids are up about 2 hours earlier than usual- which really throws off the rest of the day. It also means that while Sutton is having his morning nap I have to stay all over Darby to be semi-quiet so that he can get to sleep. So, that's been a challenge. And the biggest quirk of our lodging? The composting toilet! Don't know what that is? Neither did I! It's a waterless toilet. Which means you don't flush when you're thru. You throw a scoop-full or two of dirt in. And it's taller than Darby which means there's a stool you step up on. Which has fallen out from underneath me TWICE!!! Kyle thinks the whole thing is hilarious. It's not my favorite thing. Darby has been completely potty-trained for a while now. And we were just getting to the point where she could use the restroom and wash her hands all by herself. Not so with the monstrously tall toilet that Darby can't get on alone even with the stool. Not to mention the fact I'm not about to let her get in the habit of throwing dirt in the toilet. :) So, that's been funny. I'll try to get some pictures of the cabin up soon. It really is nice. I think it's going to help us practice simplicity and motivate me to go home and simplify a lot. It's amazing how little you really need to get thru the day, even with kids.

Kyle's been in classes for three days now and is LOVING it! He's constantly wanting to take all of our pulses and if he had the equipment I've no doubt that he'd be taking our blood pressure all the time too. They (all the students) have to do scenarios of accident scenes. They use makeup to make injuries and everything. Yesterday Kyle came home and had this enormous bruise on his ankle. I flipped a little. It was just makeup. He had another "bruise" on his back. Pretty funny. I laugh imagining all these people pretending to be injured and pretending to rescue each other. One kid (some of them are just graduated from high school) was so into acting it all out he was talking with an Australian accent. Isn't that just hilarious? Kyle and I laughed and laughed about that one.

Since we're not here long and Kyle's going to have clinicals on Saturdays, we've decided that we're going to spend Sundays as a family worshiping God in His beautiful creation. So, our Sundays are going to be spent picnicking by the river or taking the kids on nature trails. I think it's going to be awesome. I was thinking on the drive up that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, God created that isn't beautiful and breathtaking. Even animals that are funny looking, like llamas, are just beautiful in their details and abilities. Darby's loving feeding the llamas and miniature horses everyday and gathering raspberries and tomatoes in the garden that we're free to use. I'll get pics of that up soon too.

All in all, we're doing fabulously well. What fun that we've been given this opportunity!

A crazy adventure

2007-09-11T01:44:00.000-05:00

The Dugans are on the move again! In just a few hours we will be on the road to Wyoming. Kyle is getting his Wilderness EMT certification at a school in Lander, WY. It's a 180 hour program that he will be completing in just 4 weeks! So, we are going to be living in Wyoming for the next month or so. We'll be staying in a one bedroom cabin on a llama ranch. That's right. I said llama ranch. There are also miniature horses there. Darby is sooooo excited! She's been talking about the llamas everyday for over a month now. And she's super excited about "Myoming" and all the snow that she seems to think is going to be falling as soon as we get there. Kyle's really looking forward to his classes and clinical and field experiences. He's been studying like a mad man the last month and is just fascinated by the material. He's been teaching Darby all the medical/technical names for all of her body parts and it's pretty funny. She knows that the whites of eyes are really called scleras and that your kneecaps are really patellas. Too cute! It's going to be an adventure that's for sure! When Kyle's done with his classes we're going to go to Yellowstone for a few days. I'm really excited to see the park in snow and maybe get to see some wolves. That would be awesome! We're also excited about Yellowstone as we are going to be spending our time there with our good friends the Laffertys.

So please be in prayer for our time in Wyoming and our travel to and from. 3 days in the car with a 3 year old and a 10 month old should be interesting!!! Also, don't know what kind of internet access we're going to have so don't expect a lot of updating- though I am hoping to be able to update at least once or twice!

And to close I'll just add a picture of my cuties! Aren't they precious?!?!

Funny

2007-08-30T13:56:00.000-05:00

So, Kyle's been growing his hair for a while now. It all started when he told me I should start cutting his hair. I told him there was no way I would ever cut his hair. So he told me he wasn't going to have it cut until I agreed to do it. So, he hasn't cut it. That was sometime in February I believe. He has had it trimmed once or twice just to keep it from looking a little mulletish.

So, here's a picture that shows pretty well what his hair (and beard) look like now.

We think he looks a bit like Jesus:

What do you think?

Darbs and the Button

2007-08-21T13:56:00.000-05:00

My brother Joel is an awesome photographer. He took some pictures of Darby when she was 1 that are my favorites still. The day before we left on vacation he came over and we took pictures of the kiddos. It was not easy getting them both to cooperate. But he got some great shots. These are just a few of my favorites. Enjoy!

Vacation... FINALLY!!!

2007-08-14T22:17:00.000-05:00

WARNING: This post is a bit long! If you don't care to read the whole thing no worries, my feelings won't be hurt! There are great pictures though!

We had a fantastic vacation! We were so blessed to have 2 weeks together just the 2 of us. Don't get me wrong, we absolutely love and adore our children more than anything in the world. But we needed a break. And we needed some time away. It was awesome!

Our whole adventure began with Sea World. We got up early Sunday morning, loaded up the kids and drove 2 hours down to San Antonio. There we met Kyle's parents, little sister, Kelsey and our niece, Avery. We had a great, albeit hot, day. Darby loved all of the sea animals. She's still talking consistently about whales, dolphins and sharks and wants to name everything Shamu. I didn't really get any good pictures there... sorry! After Sea World we all went back to Connie and Gary's hotel and there we said goodbye to Darbs and the Button. They were both so tired they didn't care at all that we were leaving. I cried like a baby.

Early Monday morning we flew to San Diego. Kyle's bosses (and our good friends, boss sounds so harsh) Dwight and Linda Forrister picked us up and we made our way across the Mexican border to Ensenada. The Forristers have rented a house on a golf course on the beach there and we spent five days with them. It was a great time. We relaxed and read. We ate A LOT. And we spent some great time with Dwight and Linda and their son and daughter-in-law, Aaron and Jeshanna. We really are so blessed that Kyle works for such awesome people. They are so encouraging and enthusiastic. They've given Kyle so much room to have ideas and be creative. And then they allow him to give those ideas a try and see what he can do with them. It's amazing and we are so grateful.

One day Linda took us to the wine country near Tecate. We toured the L.A. Cetto Vineyard. It was beautiful there and the wine was very good too. Here I am standing in front of one of the enormous barrells where they age the wine.

The sunset from the golf course near the house. One night while Kyle and I were sitting on the rocks right by the water a pod of dolphins swam past. There were five of them and they were only about 50 yards off shore. It was amazing!

Kyle and I on the beach our last night in Ensenada.

It was a fantastic time. Thank you, Dwight and Linda, for having us!

On Saturday we flew from San Diego to Portland, Oregon. We rented a car and were supposed to get a Hyundai Accent. However when we got to the counter the guy told us they were offering a really good upgrade. We took advantage and ended up with a 2007 Ford Mustang convertible. Too fun! We met Lynsey at her place and then headed downtown. We met Jeff and Necia Davis and Robby at our favorite Portland restaurant, Kell's, an Irish pub. I have only 2 words for you: shepherd's pie. Scrumptious!!! Then we spent the day downtown. We went to Saturday Market, Pioneer Square, rode the MAX and just enjoyed being together with friends in Oregon. Then we drove over to the Hawthorne District and went to The Pied Cow. The only way I know to describe this place is as a totally Portland coffee house. We sat outside and enjoyed our snacks and visited and laughed. We topped the night off with a trip to the movies to see the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I LOVED it!

On Sunday Kyle and I attended church at Westside where Kyle was youth minister for 4 years. We hadn't told anyone that we were coming and it was great seeing everyone's faces when they saw us. I don't think I realized how much I miss those people. It was awesome to see everyone and it felt a bit like we'd never left. We ate lunch at Happy Panda- the best Chinese food EVER- with our dear friends the Winters and the Martus'.

After lunch we (us and the Wells) decided to go hiking. We drove out to Lost Lake which sits at the base of Mt. Hood. We drove in the convertible with the top down. It was fun and beautiful. Lou and I were a bit windblown having been in the backseat with no windshield to block the wind but it was worth it. Lost Lake is just breathtaking. We had a great hike. And took great pictures!

All of us at Lost Lake.

Moe and Lou

Aren't they the cutest?! Robby and Lynsey.

Awesome Mt. Hood with Lost Lake at the base. We found this viewpoint as we were leaving. It was so beautiful we stopped the car and got out and just stared for a while. This picture just doesn't do it justice. It was stunning.

On Monday we slept in and the 4 of us headed to the Columbia River Gorge for more hiking. We hiked Elk Creek up to Punch Bowl Falls. The Gorge is one of our favorite places to hike and this was a new hike for us. It was great. Just easy enough that conversation was still easy but difficult enough to still call it hiking.

Awesome little cascading stream we crossed.

Robby and Kyle at the top of Lower Punch Bowl Falls.

Upper Punch Bowl Falls

Kyle and Robby were brave enough (or crazy enough!) to get in the freezing cold water. They stayed in forever! It was nice though 'cause it gave Lynsey and I some great time to sit on the bank and visit. And watch the crazy, slightly stoned people jump of the top of Upper Punch Bowl!

After our hike we met Chris Davis at Gustav's for German food. Again, ate way too much but it was sooooo worth it. That was our last night at Robby and Lynsey's. Thanks for letting us come and stay and for playing in the woods with us you two!

On Tuesday we had lunch with Ron and Kay Stump and Tabi Looper. They were Kyle's co-workers here and I know he misses them everyday. It was fun to spend time with them and catch up on them and on Westside. Then we headed to the Oregon Coast for 3 days. We went to Cannon Beach and stayed at the Surfsand Inn. If you're going to Cannon Beach anytime soon stay at the Surfsand... it's awesome!

The view from our room.

The incredible Haystack Rock.

Kyle and I at Hug Point.

Our stay at the coast was completely laid-back. We read books, watched movies, ate at some more fabulous restaurants (The Wayfarer- YUM!) and just enjoyed being together. Our last night there we made a fire on the beach and watched the sun set. It was just perfect. On Thursday we headed back to Portland- but not before stopping at Bruce's Candy Kitchen for a caramel apple, a must if visiting Cannon Beach. Thursday evening we spent a few hours at Powell's Books (a 3 story book store that takes up an entire city block!) and had dinner with Lynsey (Robby was away on a youth trip). Then, while Kyle went back to our hotel to work on his wedding speech Lynsey and I went to see Hairspray. It was soooooo good and I can't imagine having seen it with anyone but Lou. Too perfect!

Friday we met Tabi and Mel Winters for coffee in Hillsboro. These ladies are definitely my 2 best Oregon friends. They just took me under their wings when Kyle and I first moved to OR and I love them dearly. It was awesome to just sit and visit with them for hours. I miss that so much. Then we went to the Laffertys. What a beautiful new home they have! We only had a little bit of time to chat with them before we headed to Seth and Amy's wedding rehearsal and dinner. That was a sweet time. We were able to see some more people we dearly love. On Saturday we spent the morning with the Laffs and then it was off to the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and Kyle, of course, did a fabulous job with the ceremony. The reception afterwards was awesome and we had so much fun sitting with all of our Westside friends and laughing.

Sunday we went to Westside for church again and then met the Lafferty's for lunch. Kyle saw a few more friends that afternoon and then we spent the evening with Mike and Holly, Gracie and Ellie. What precious friends the Laffertys are! We were so very sad not to be able to spend a good chunk of time with them. Thanks, Laffs, for letting us stay at your house and come in and out and not really get to see you much!

Monday we came home. Spent a night in our own beds. Tuesday we headed to New Mexico to pick up the kids. And oh how I missed them! It was such a joy to see their little faces and hold and squeeze them and kiss their little cheeks! They had a great two weeks with Nini and Papa (Connie and Gary) and Kelsey. Thank you Connie, Gary and Kelsey for keeping Darby and Sutton for us! What a gift you gave us! We spent a week in New Mexico for Kyle to do some things for work and then we came home for good. We aren't going to be home long... but that's another post!

Thanks for sticking with me! I know it was long. But it was good for me to re-live it. :) Until next time....

Coming soon...

2007-08-04T00:23:00.001-05:00

a post on Vacation 2007! We had a great trip and I am dying to write and post pics! Have had some technical difficulties but assure you that a post is coming! Check in next week!!!

Fun pictures!

2007-07-09T14:46:00.000-05:00

Things are going well here. Kyle's back to his old self and we are all so glad! Things are about to get crazy around here. This weekend we're meeting Kyle's parents in San Antonio and we're all going to go to Sea World. Then, the kids are heading back to New Mexico with their grandparents and Kyle and I are going to Ensenada, Mexico and to Portland, Oregon. The time in Ensenada is going to be spent with Kyle's boss and his family. It's going to be a great time of fellowship and for Kyle and Dwight and Linda to do some serious brainstorming. The time is Portland is just for pure fun! Kyle and I have both been back since we've moved but not together. We had decided before Sutton was even born that we were going to take a kid-free vacation this summer. Well, a guy that was in our youth group at Westside is getting married and asked Kyle to perform the ceremony (I won't even start on how old that makes me feel!). So, Kyle was going up to OR anyway. He couldn't stand the thought of going for just a few days and I couldn't stand the thought of him going without me. So, Portland here we come!!! I am SOOOOOOO excited! There will be lots of eating, hiking, shopping and, of course, spending time with people we love and adore. I know that most everyone there is annoyed that we won't be bringing the kiddos with us.... I promise we'll bring them next time!!! I'm a bit anxious about being away from my babies for 2 weeks- especially Sutton, he's so little!- but it will be sooooo good for Kyle and to have some good quality time together without worrying about diapers, bottles, potty-training and bed times. Also, it will be darn good to sleep in!!! :)

Okay, now for what you really came for: pictures!!!

Sutton has started sitting in his highchair to eat now... we just love his face in this pic!

My sweet little man fell asleep in his swing while drinking his last bottle of the night... look at those chubby cheeks!

Kyle got Darby her own hat, lifejacket and paddle and took her canoeing the other night. She was so excited and had so much fun! For a more detailed version of the story visit Kyle's blog, link at the right titled "Hubby."

She was getting a bit impatient with the fish!

That's what's going on around here. I'm hoping that my brother, Joel, is going to be able to take some cute pics of the kids this week before we leave. I'll try and get those up before we go!

Coming back to life

2007-06-26T22:03:00.000-05:00

Well, things are finally getting back to normal around here.... sort of. Kyle is feeling a lot better. He's still not his usual energetic self. The good news is that his headache is gone. It still crops up unexpectedly here and there but doesn't come close to having the same intensity or pain level. His energy runs out pretty quickly but he has been up and about some the last 2 days. He hasn't been taking any prescription meds the last 2 days either. He even attempted some weed-pulling in the backyard tonight. That did pretty much wipe him out though. I think it is just going to take some time to get his strength and energy back. We appreciate so much all the prayers and thoughts from so many of you. And all the help we received from so many. I don't know how I'd have handled the kids and the house and swim lessons and everything if we hadn't had so much help from those who love us. How blessed we are!

The kids are doing great. Sutton is pretty much sitting independently now. And he wants to crawl so badly. He can get his little knees up underneath him and move them back and forth but he hasn't figured out the arms yet. He just holds them straight out in front. Then he gets frustrated and just rolls to wherever it is he wants to go. It's pretty cute. Darby finished her swim lessons. By the time they were done she was jumping in by herself, able to hold her breath underwater for 10 seconds and was starting to figure out kicking and paddling. I'd say that's progress considering the first day she would hardly get in the water at all and then held on to the teacher's neck so tight I thought it would break!

I've posted some recent pictures that I thought were just precious! Darby and Sutton just love each other so much. I pray that they will always have a great relationship and be great friends!

Darby's pigtails.... she loves the do her hair like this!

Having a tea party, they were eating "cake."

Fun in the bath tub!

They just laugh and laugh at each other all day!

What a cutie!

That's all I've got for now. Hope all are doing well!!!

A belated update

2007-06-19T20:58:00.001-05:00

Hello. Sorry it has taken me so long to update. It's been a crazy couple of days trying to get back into the normal routine with the kids and make sure Kyle is resting like he's supposed to. He's just not very good at sitting still.

We got the results of the MRI and they were very good. Kyle's brain looks completely normal... I know, I was shocked too! :) Seriously, everything looks great and so we are now 100% sure that the only thing causing the headache and fatigue is the meningitis.

Kyle's headache has become much more manageable with the medications, he's just extremely tired still. And he still has pain it just isn't as intense... it is still constant. He's thinking of trying to work a half day tomorrow, though I'm not sure that will happen. We'll see.

Kids and I are doing great. Darby's taking swim lessons and loving them. We go everynight thru this Friday. She's doing really well. Getting braver and braver. She loves her teacher and gets along well with the other kids. Sutton is just a happy little guy and so easy to take care of. He's sitting up on his own more and more and has become quite the chatter-box. Both kids are so excited to see Kyle when he's feeling up to it. Darby just talks and talks and cuddles on the bed with him. She told Kyle tonight the someday she's going to be a doctor so that she can help people like him feel much better. So sweet! Sutton just lights up like a light bulb everytime he sees Kyle and grins and jabbers. They are both just precious and we are so blessed to have them.

I'll try to be better at updating as I have time. I apologize again for the delay. God bless

At Home

2007-06-16T23:39:00.000-05:00

It was a pretty good first day home. Kyle's spent the day in bed, watching some TV and movies and sleeping. Our last nurse at the hospital told Kyle that she recommends complete sensory deprivation- lie in a completely dark room; no light, no sound, nothing to look at- until the pain is gone. She's had viral meningitis and is also a migraine sufferer. She told Kyle the meningitis headache was way worse than any migraine and that complete sensory deprivation was the only thing that seemed to speed her recovery. Well, she doesn't know Kyle. I keep having to send him back to bed. I keep catching him trying to read. I'm not even going to bother trying to get him to stop watching some TV or a movie here and there... he usually doesn't make it longer than an hour before the drugs kick in and he falls asleep anyway. He's just the worst sick person ever!!! He gets bored and tries to do things that just exacerbate the headache. Then we start all over again. He never has been good at sitting still! :) We're keeping him pretty drugged still. He's on 2 different pain medications, Benadryl to prevent "narcotic itch" and a sleeping med for night. The good news is that the meds seem to be doing the trick. They don't mask the pain as well as the IV meds did but they do last longer and he seems to think the pain is decreasing some, though not much. For the most part he is very glad to be home, though we do keep having to remind Darby that she needs to talk quietly when she goes in to say hi to Daddy. She tends to be quite loud when she's excited and sweet girl is very excited to have her daddy home.

We have not heard back about any results from the MRI. They said that we should know something by Monday. Keep praying that it's nothing!

An update

2007-06-15T19:05:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been another long day at the hospital. Mostly Kyle's just been resting. It's hard though because everytime he finally manages to fall asleep they come in to check his vitals or give him meds and then he's awake and the whole process starts over again. After another visit with Dr. Seiler it was decided that Kyle needed an MRI. Dr. Seiler feels confident that the MRI will show nothing. He just wants to be absolutely sure that there isn't anything else that could be causing the pain when Kyle moves his eyes. As I said, he was quite confident that the test would come back completely normal. His exact words were, "I think it's worth it to do a test that will probably come back normal and be absolutely sure that we've covered everything." So, Kyle had the MRI at 3:30 today. We won't get any results back until tomorrow, or Monday at the latest. The good news is that we are going home!!! They gave Kyle one last round of IV meds so we have to wait for 4 hours to leave. My guess is that we'll be home by 10 pm tonight. YAY!!!

I just want to say thanks again for all of the emails, comments and encouragement you've sent our way. It's meant the world to our whole family! The next update will be from home! Yippee!!

Update on Kyle

2007-06-14T23:15:00.001-05:00

Well, the good news is that the meningitis is viral! The cruddy thing about that is that they can only treat the symptoms. So, Kyle is still in the hospital. He had the option to go home tonight but we (okay, I) thought that it would be best to give the IV meds one more night to keep Kyle comfortable. Tomorrow he'll go home with prescriptions for really strong oral narcotics. The dr. basically said that with all the advances in technology and medical science they still haven't figured out what to do with viruses. So, basically they can give Kyle stuff to mask the pain but not actually eliminate it. That is just going to take time. He said it could be up to 2 weeks until he's feeling back to 100%. He did think that Kyle should be thru the worst of it in the next several days.

Several people have asked about how contagious this is and if the kids or I or anyone we've all come in contact with are infected or contagious. The doctor said that if the kids or I were going to get it we'd already have symptoms. He also said that Kyle's not contagious. So, that's all good news.

Kyle's in good spirits today. He's slept a lot. He hasn't had much appetite but hasn't had anymore nausea or vomiting. He is still having a lot of pain but I do think it has been some less. It's hard to say though as he's been on a lot of drugs all day. The kids are doing well. Sutton had a fussy spell today, which is unlike him. I think he understands that things aren't normal even though he's so small. Darby is doing great. Just having a great time hanging out with all the family. April took her to swimming lessons again tonight and she did great. She actually went under water for 3 seconds! She usually hates going under water. Tonight they are at home and my Aunt Pami and Uncle Lloyd are staying with them. Darby LOVES Aunt Pami and Uncle Lloyd. She was so excited that they were coming to stay. I'm doing pretty well. I admit that I had my panicky moments yesterday. But, the second that CT scan came back clear and we knew there were no abnormalities in Kyle's brain I was fine. I know that the prospect of bacterial meningitis was just as scary but considering my family history I just couldn't imagine what I'd have done if there had been something wrong with Kyle's brain. So, thankfully we didn't have to deal with that. Other than all that I'm just fine. Just ready for Kyle to be feeling better. It is rare for him to feel bad enough to rest some let alone go to a doctor and the hospital. And I hate it that he has so much pain.

Sorry that it has taken me so long to update. Been a crazy day taking care of my hubby and seeing my kiddos and arranging care for them. We still covet your prayers. Pray that Kyle's pain will be substantially less than it has been. Heck, pray that it just goes away completely! Failing that pray that the meds they send him home with will be effective and that he'll be able to have some relief and rest while at home. Thank you so much for your love, prayers and support. They mean more to us than I can say!

Prayers

2007-06-14T06:07:00.001-05:00

On Tuesday morning Kyle woke up with a headache. It wasn't anything anyone was concerned about, just an annoyance really. Well, around 11 pm on Tues. night the headache became extremely bad. Kyle woke up with severe pain, primarily in his forehead and behind his eyes. He also was extremely chilled. I had him covered with about 5 blankets and he was still shivering but had no fever. All of this was unusual as Kyle rarely has headaches. So, Wednesday morning we went to the dr. Kyle and I were both concerned that he had malaria from his recent trip to Kenya. The dr. was fairly certain that was not the case. Dr. Butler was concerned that Kyle's pain seemed to intensify when he moved his eyes. He said that was unusual. So he sent us to the hospital for tests. The concerns at the time were that he may have malaria, that he may have meningitis or that there was something, a mass, infection or bleeding, causing pressure behind his eyes. So we went to the hospital. After lots of waiting and lots of meds Kyle had blood tests, a CT scan and a lumbar puncture (spinal tap). All of his blood tests came back normal. The CT scan was normal. The spinal tap however was not normal. Kyle has meningitis. The first concern after diagnosing meningitis was to determine whether it is viral or bacterial. Bacterial meningitis is the scary one that you hear about people dying from. So, if you have to have meningitis you want to have viral. We are currently still waiting to hear officially that Kyle has viral meningitis. However, every doctor and nurse who've seen him say that they are 95% certain that Kyle has viral meningitis. He's not running fever, his spinal fluid was visibly clear (if it were bacterial the fluid would have been murky and/or dark), and in their words he doesn't "look toxic." So, the course of action with viral meningitis is really just to treat the symptoms. As with any virus there really is no way to treat the virus, just the symptoms. So, they are giving Kyle dilaudid (sp?) which is a narcotic that is 4x stronger than morphine. It seems to dispel the headache some but only lasts 1 or 2 hours. Also, it makes him have "narcotic itch" like crazy. So, they are giving him Benadryl to stop the itching. The combination just wipes him out and he sleeps HARD. Around 10 pm on Wednesday night they FINALLY moved him from the ER to a room. On the way up Kyle started complaining about nausea. They got him all settled in his new bed and the nurse went to get some anti-nausea meds. Well, before she got back Kyle hopped out of the bed, ran to the bathroom and lost the entire contents of his stomach. I have to say that I was a bit shocked. In the 8 years I've known Kyle this is the 1st time he's complained of nausea let alone actually thrown up. He always says he'd rather die than vomit. However, he did seem to have some relief afterwards and the strain along with the anti-nausea meds and additional pain meds wiped him out for about 5 hours. When I left the hospital about 45 minutes ago he'd just had another dose of dilaudid and benadryl. He should be sleeping great for another 2 hours.

I'm just home for a bit to let the dog out and pick up a few things for Kyle. Darby and Sutton are at my parents house. From all accounts they are doing just great. Darby's having a great time. She's taking swimming lessons for the next 2 weeks and was so excited to have Aunt April take her instead of mommy. It's my first night away from Sutton and it's been okay. I'm so used to being with my kids all day that it's been a bit weird to have not seen them at all. I miss their little faces! I'm so grateful that my parents are close though and were able to take care of my babies.

So, we are asking for your prayers. Pray that this is in fact viral and not bacterial meningitis. Pray that Kyle will have some relief from the pain in his head and behind his eyes. It's been 2 days of unabated pain now. Pray that Darby and Sutton will be okay and behave for Poppa and Nonnie. And pray that this will be over soon! The internist said that we'd probably be heading home sometime Thursday afternoon with some extra-strength prescription painkillers. Pray that Kyle's pain will have decreased enough that he can come home. If it continues the way it has he will have to stay at the hospital just for pain management.

I'm taking the computer up to the hospital so I'll keep you all updated as things happen. Thank you so much for your prayers and support!

Happy 3rd Birthday Darby!!!

2007-06-06T12:49:00.000-05:00

Darby is 3! I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that it's already been three years since our little girl came and turned our lives upside down!!! (In a good way of course!) Like any good mother does, I'm going to brag on my little girl now. :)

Darby is the most fun and energetic little girl. She loves to read and color and sing and play games. She still has a voracious obsession with Dora the Explorer and Dragon Tales. She's a Daddy's girl and loves the outdoors. She wants to go camping and fishing and to be outside all the time. She'll climb anything and jump off of anything. She has no fear... and keeps me on my toes. She actually jumped into a lake when out with some friends last year. Keep in mind it was in winter and I think it was probably in the 40s outside. She got home and said, "Mom, I jumped in the lake!" She was so proud of herself. Then she's such a little prissy pants too. She can't stand to have dirt on her hands. She's very concerned that her shoes match her outfit. She always wants her toenails painted and has had a fascination with sparkly shoes since birth. We'll finish combing her hair and I'll say, "You look so pretty" and she'll say, "Not yet, I don't have my shoes on yet, I need to finish my outfit first." Isn't the hilarious?!

Darby is so smart. She can count to ten in English and in Spanish. She knows all of her colors in English and Spanish. She can say her ABCs and even recognize some letters when she sees them. Darbs has a fantastic memory. She recalled in accurate detail a trip we took to Schlitterbahn 2 years ago, when she was ONE, just because we saw a commercial for Schlitterbahn on TV yesterday. She recognizes and points out the hospital where Sutton was born everytime we drive by. She can always tell when we're going to my parents' house because she remembers the way there. And she can recognize places from their signs. She knows Taco Cabana, HEB, Chili's, Wal-Mart, Target, Taco Bell and a variety of other places. Also, we stayed in a Super 8 in Abilene when we were there for my friend Casey's wedding and now Darby can spot a Super 8 a mile away. (She thought staying in a hotel was the greatest thing EVER!) She's just too funny!

And to top it all off Darby is a great helper and big sister. She's learned how to let Mija in/out when it's time. She's responsible for throwing diapers away. If Sutton is sad and I'm busy doing something she'll talk to him and make him laugh. She's started taking her plate to the sink when she's done with it. She always wants to teach Sutton how to do things. How to eat, how to dance, how to walk, how to run. She always starts with, "Watch me Sutton." She calls Sutton "Buddy", "Little Man", "baby boy" and "Sutton Button". And she still says the Ts very precisely and sharply. Too funny!

Darbs was a lucky girl... this year she got 2 parties! One in Lubbock with Kyle's family the day before her birthday (we were there for Kyle's cousin's HS graduation) and one here the day after. Lots of presents, lots of fun and 2 Dora cakes! Be sure to scroll down to see pictures... my camera battery died so we didn't get a lot at the Austin party.

We are blessed beyond words to have this little girl in our family. I don't think life truly began til Darby Gail entered it!

Lubbock Party Part 1

2007-06-06T12:20:00.000-05:00

You can't pass!!!

Sliding with Daddy.

Our little musician.

Sutton was so tired!

Lubbock Party Part 2

2007-06-06T12:19:00.000-05:00

Dora Cake #1

Blowing out the candles.

Opening presents.

Kyle and Kara goofing around.

Austin Party

2007-06-06T12:17:00.000-05:00

Opening her present from Madi and Kinley.

"My very own clothes!!!" Yes, this is what she said when she opened her present from Meredith and Scott! :):):)

Dora Cake #2

Happy Half Birthday Sutton!

2007-05-16T16:58:00.000-05:00

Can you believe that my baby boy is 6 months old today?! I can't! It's been a crazy, FAST and immensely blessed six months! Sutton is the best baby! I know all mothers say that about their babies but it really is true. He is good-natured and easygoing. He laughs easily and loves to interact with people, whether it's his big sister or strangers in the grocery store. He's eating really well- we're in the process of weaning to bottles and formula and also have recently started cereal. He sleeps sooooo well- 3 naps a day and sleeping 10-12 hours a night. He loves to roll around. He's just figured out that he can roll across the room to get something he wants. He always looks so proud of himself when he's reached his goal. It's too cute! And in just the last week he's started sitting up quite a bit. He'll prop himself up on his little arms and just laugh and look around. He's so close to being able to do it without holding himself up with his arms. Sutton is the grabbiest little guy! If you're holding him and are on the phone or taking a drink, watch out! He'll knock your drink out of your hand or take the phone away and start chewing on it. Funny story: the other day I left Darby and Sutton playing together on the floor to go move laundry around. All of a sudden I heard Darby, "Sutton stop it!!! Let go of me!!!" I came around the corner and just started laughing. Sutton had 2 handfuls of Darby's hair and was holding on tight! She was so agitated and he was giggling. A glimpse of the future? I think so! We are so blessed to have this little guy! I cannot imagine life without him in it! Happy 6 months Sutton!
The top picture was taken today. The other 3 are from yesterday. He was having such a good time practicing sitting up and was hamming it up for the camera! What cutie!

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-12T18:35:00.000-05:00

My mom was an amazing person. She was a fantastic wife, an incredible woman of faith, a loyal daughter and sister, a great friend. Most importantly, to me anyway, she was a wonderful mom.

When I was with Mom she always made me feel that there was nowhere she'd rather be and no one more important than me. She always listened to every little thing I had to say... even if all I was doing was complaining. She had a way of making me feel that my feelings mattered even when they were completely ridiculous. She encouraged me to dream big and to see joy in the small things. Mom never ever met any person or encounter without looking for the absolute best in it. She gave me a love of reading and movies. I think I inherited my ability to remember even the most odd bits of useless trivia from her. Mom had a very creative mind and could always think of something to do in a dull moment. She loved to sing. I have countless memories of family road trips where we all sang along to Jim Croce or the Mamas and the Papas or George Strait or Linda Ronstadt... Mom's voice leading the rest of us. She loved to play games, whether they be board games, cards, dominoes or Trivial Pursuit (which she was killer at). She was just an incredibly fun person to be around. Mom made everything more fun. More important than all of that is the fact that my mom had faith and strength that were astounding. When cancer entered her body and the life of our family it was Mom who gave all of us strength when it should have been the other way around. When cancer stole her ability to talk to us her bright smile communicated her love, her joy even in pain, her faith even in darkness. Mom's courage bolstered all of us, she reminded us that God was in charge and that, were she to die, He could take much better care of us than she ever had. Mom taught me how to live, how to be mother and wife, and she taught me how to die. She died with strength, with joy, with peace. And she helped us to let her go with peace.
God knew that Dad, Rachel and I would still need someone with those wifely and motherly instincts even though Mom was gone. So He gave us Karen. And how blessed we are to have her (and the boys, I guess :) )!!! Karen has brought a tranquility into my dad's life that he so desperately needed. Karen's been through so much loss and so much life-shaking change and she's come thru to the other side with a gentleness and strength of spirit that blow me away. She is so generous, so loving and so funny. And I love to watch her with her grandbabies! How blessed my children are to have their Nonnie! Darby loves nothing more to go and spend time with her Nonnie, who reads to her and plays with her and makes her chocolate milk and brownies. When there've been times I've felt lost in my role as a wife or mother I've been blessed to have Karen to look to as an example of a Godly wife and mom. I'm so glad that Karen is a part of my life and the life of my Dad and of my children. I don't think there are words to describe the peace she's brought to us or the hole we'd feel were she not a part of our lives. How good God has been to us! And then, He just keeps the blessings coming! My mother-in-law, Connie, is one of the great blessings that my marriage has brought to me. There are so many things I have learned from this incredible woman. She's taught me small things, like how to cook some amazing dishes, and she's taught me huge things, like the life-changing power of forgiveness and of prayer. Connie is living proof that God can turn ashes into beauty. Her three incredible children are a testimony to what a wonderful mother she is. And what a fantastic grandmother she is! Connie's thoughtfulness and empathy have touched so many lives and I admire so much her ability to hurt with others and to encourage them in their darkest times. What a blessing she is to my life!

I've been so blessed to have these 3 women in my life. I miss my mother desperately every day. But I carry her with me. I see her in the faces of my children. And I'm blessed to have had her example for the time that I did. And God has blessed me so much by giving me two more moms to look to for strength, to ask for advice, to be examples to me, to be amazing grandmothers to my kids. Thank you Lord for these mothers and for all the moms out there who are making a difference in this world by raising amazing kids!

Catching up!

2007-05-07T20:27:00.000-05:00

Our little artist!! Darby got creative with some sidewalk chalk on our back patio a few nights ago. The pic doesn't show it well but there was very little concrete that wasn't brightly colored.

We thought she looked a bit like William Wallace from Braveheart.

This was the day after Kyle returned from Africa. He was so tired and spent the first 2 days on the couch. Darby and Mija pretty much spent the first 2 days on the couch too! :)

Darby was a flowergirl for the first time a week ago. My best friend, Casey, got married on April 28. This is Darby and the ring bearer, Rhett, at rehearsal. Here's Darby and Casey right before the wedding. During the ceremony. Darby did so well! She stood there so quietly the whole time. We did have one moment where she wanted to talk to the other flowergirl, Faith.
The recessional. Aren't they so cute?
Casey and Sutton at the reception.
Casey and Rachel at the reception.
Darby dancing at the reception with Casey and a bunch of other girls. Darby danced all night... she stopped to get a drink of water ONCE and then danced for another hour. Rachel and Darby dancing.
We've started Sutton on rice cereal. Here he is having his very first bite.
Second bite.
Not too sure about this!

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Kyle got home from Africa about 2 weeks ago now. He took a week off to recuperate. And he needed it!!! For the first few days he was so jetlagged that he wanted to go to bed at 5 pm and was getting up around for the day at about 3:45 am. He had an absolutely amazing trip that I will try to get him to post about soon. For now let's just sum it up by saying that God did amazing things and lives were touched in incredible ways. Thank you for all of your prayers for Kyle and the kids and I!

Last week we went to Abilene for my best friend's wedding. Casey and I have been best friends since we were fourteen. She has been by my side thru the most traumatic and the happiest moments of my life. And it was such an honor to be at her wedding. Darby was a flowergirl and did a fantastic job. And, as you can see from the pictures, looked absolutely beautiful!

Today we got back from Lubbock where we attended my little sister, Rachel's college graduation. Can I tell you that I feel sooooooo old?!?! My baby sister just graduated from college!!! I just can't believe it! I was an idiot and I totally forgot my camera so I don't have any pictures. It was a great weekend though and I am really so very proud of my sister. She's such an amazing woman and I'm so proud of her!

That's what we've been up to in a nutshell! Hope all out there are doing well!!

We miss Kyle!

2007-04-14T21:40:00.000-05:00

This picture was taken last summer when Kyle was in Oregon. I must say that he looks nothing like this now. His hair is pretty long and he has a full beard. This is one of my favorite pictures of him though.

Well, things are going well. I've been getting regular email updates from Kyle and it sounds like the trip has been amazing so far. I'm so glad that he's having this experience. And I'm so glad that the rest of the group is enjoying it as well. Kyle put so much hard work into making this trip an incredible time. Just to give you some idea of what's happening: Months ago when these precious people committed to this trip they were given a list of books that they were to read before leaving. The whole groups has been having online discussion on the Immeasurably More website to reflect on their reading and also on other topics. The day they left each participant received a book, a liturgy book of sorts. The books are broken up into sections for morning prayers, readings, prayer journaling, evening prayers and small group (covenant group) discussions. There may be more sections than that, I don't have a book with me. Anyhow these books are used with the somewhat monastic schedule that Kyle set up so that all thru the day everyone is stopping to hear what God's saying to them, read what His Word says about their experience. They were also given MP3 players that are loaded up with music and lesson/sermons for them to reflect on. The books outline when they should listen to what. All of this combined with the service they are doing- working with abandoned babies in a home and working with HIV/AIDS mothers in Kibera slum, the largest slum in the world- is intended to help the participants start seeing the spiritual in the physical, to change the way they look at the world and those in it. I've no doubt that every person on this trip will come back changed for the better. I'm jealous that I'm not there. And I'm so proud of my precious husband, who has such a passion for living a life that reflects Christ in every way and who wants so badly to struggle with others to discover what that really means. And I'm so proud of him for the work he's put into this trip. I'm positive that it has made all the difference!

The kids and I have been doing pretty well. We've been spending lots of time with friends and family and keeping busy. The other day I loaded Darby and Sutton up and we headed out to get Darby's spring/summer wardrobe. I have such fond memories of having these outings with my mom and I so love getting to do it with my own daughter now. Especially now that Darby is old enough to get excited about it too. She loves trying on the clothes and picking out cute outfits. She's quite the little model too, twirling in her skirts and posing in her new shorts! :) We had such a good time. I'd love to put pictures of her in some of her new outfits, and also in her easter dress, but Kyle took the camera to Africa. I'll get those up when he gets back.

We are missing Kyle though. At least once a day Darby asks when her daddy is coming back. The other night, just as I was about to go to sleep, I heard Darby crying. I went in to her room and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I had a bad dream." I asked her what it was about. She said, "It was about my daddy." So I asked her what about her daddy. And she said, "He's in Afwika, he need to come home." It was so sweet. She was just crying this sad little cry. Yesterday, at my dad's house, she told her Nonnie (my stepmom) that we can't talk to Daddy, his phone doesn't work in Afwika. She made this pouty little face when she said it. As I was putting her to bed last night, we were praying for Kyle and she said, "Mama, my daddy misses me." And I said, "Yes, sweetie, he misses you so much!" And she said, "I miss him more though." I love those moments, I never know whether to laugh or to cry.

Anyhow, we appreciate all your prayers and ask that you keep 'em coming. Will update more when I get the chance!

Prayers Please

2007-04-09T17:04:00.000-05:00

Kyle and 9 others are on their way to Africa. They will be in Nairobi and Kisumu, Kenya. I'd just like to ask that, if you are reading this, you will be praying. Pray for Kyle and the others. Pray for their safety (Nairobi is under a security alert right now), pray for their health, pray for their travel. Pray for the abandoned babies, the missionaries and the HIV/AIDS patients they will be working with. Pray that they will have open hearts, eyes, minds and arms. Pray that God will teach them amazing things. Pray that they will come back changed people.

And while you're at it, say a little prayer for me and the kiddos too. I don't like being here alone. This is the first time to be home alone with 2 kids. I'm a paranoid, worry-wart and that makes for some anxiety. I've got a great support system here and I'm thankful for that.

All that said, I must say that there is part of me that is excited about some solo evenings to read and veg while Kyle is away. Some night to rent chick flicks that Kyle will NEVER watch with me. Isn't that funny? I've been dreading this and looking forward to it all at the same time! How much sense does that make?!

If you'd like updates on the trip as I get them leave me your email address and I'll add you to the list.