empathy

I have been very troubled these last few days. On Sunday evening, Kyle and I listened to the announcement that Osama bin Laden, the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks and other atrocities, had been killed. I watched as people gathered outside the White House and at Ground Zero and began to celebrate. My heart and mind became conflicted.

Since Sunday night I’ve watched with increasing shame and heartache as people use this event to tear the opposite political party apart, to tear each other apart. Facebook statuses and tweets taking credit for one side and denying it to the other abound. Insults and slurs are hurled at Presidents Obama, Bush and Clinton… all men who have served and are serving their country at great cost to their own privacy and safety and that of their families. All men who have carried and do carry more responsibility and weight on their shoulders than anyone reading this could possibly imagine.

2977 people were killed on September 11, 2001. Hundreds of thousands of people have been killed in the resulting wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and those numbers will continue to increase. And now Osama bin Laden is dead as well. There is no doubt that his followers, his friends and family will make attempts at retaliation. The cycle will continue.

Americans attack each other because we disagree about politics and government. We dehumanize politicians and public figures and call them names and insult their intelligence, their patriotism, their faith, and their morality. Good people, loving people throw hateful words around because of what really comes down to fear caused by a difference of opinion and a lack of understanding of the other side. The cycle just continues.

One word, one idea has been hovering in my consciousness these last few days. Empathy. Empathy is defined as the ability to share and understand the feelings of another. Having empathy for others is to try and place ourselves in their shoes and to attempt to see where they are coming from, what makes them tick. I’m reminded of what Atticus Finch says in my favorite book, Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird:

“First of all,” he said, “if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view—“

“Sir?”

“—until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

How different would it be if we all walked around in each other’s skin for a while? How different would our families, our neighborhoods, our churches and schools look? How different would Facebook and Twitter look? How different would the face in the mirror look?

What would happen if we re-humanized presidents, congressmen and congresswomen, senators and judges? Or if we re-humanized diehard liberals and hardcore conservatives? I’m almost afraid to say it, but what if re-humanized terrorists and insurgents and criminals? Why don’t we try walking around in these people’s skin for just a little while? Not so that what they do or believe is more acceptable or agreeable or even forgivable but so that perhaps we might understand them a little bit better. Maybe then we’d have a world with a little less fear, a little less hatred- perhaps even a little less violence.

Please understand, I am in no way trying to say that we need to accept the hurtful or criminal actions of others. I am not saying that people should be spared the consequences of their actions. Nor am I saying that we should all just agree with each other all the time. If anything, I’m preaching to myself here. I’ve found myself filled with one conflicting emotion after another over the last several days because I’ve been unable to understand why people behave the way they do and say the things they say. I’ve been as judgmental and angry as the people I have been accusing of being overly judgmental and angry. And all of it, my thoughts and actions and the things I’m seeing on television and the internet, has made me feel ill.

The concept of loving ones enemies is a hard one. Shoot, it’s not always easy to love friends and family when we don’t see eye to eye. Perhaps if we were slower to react and quicker to empathize we’d find it a lot easier.

I read a new book recently. Devotion by Dani Shapiro. I won’t attempt to review or summarize it here. I will say that it was beautiful and I’ve taken a lot from it. There’s a series of phrases she uses in her meditations, first with herself in mind and then with those she loves, that really stuck with me and I find beautiful:

May you feel protected and safe.

May you feel contented and pleased.

May your physical body support you with strength.

May your life unfold smoothly with ease.

This is my prayer, my hope for myself, my family, my friends. May I make it my prayer and hope for those whom I might call my enemies.